Review: The Incredible Petrified World

Synopsis: Four adventurers descend into the depths of the ocean when the cable on their underwater diving bell snaps. The rest of their expedition, believing them to be lost, abandons hope of finding them alive. Exiting the diving bell, the group finds themselves in a strange network of underwater caverns, as they search for a way back to the surface.

Review: When you think of 1950's sci-fi film, you generally think of something cheesy and scientifically unsound, but not being without a certain quaint charm and some unintentionally hilarious moments. "The Incredible Petrified World," however, will give you none of that, as the only charm it has is to bore you out of your ever-loving mind.

The basic premise of this snoozer of a story, has to do with a group of scientists who are looking to reach the hidden depths of the ocean, but end up in a strange world of undersea caves, deep below the surface, when their diving bell snaps from its cables. Now, they search for a way back to the surface world. Will they make it? Can they find the way? Is there one? Oh, the suspense is killing me...

Actually, the only thing that has any lethal power in this turkey of a film is the incredibly boring pace of the story, which has about as much suspense and tension as watching paint dry. There's just nothing here to engage you. Director Jerry Warren, who's name is synonymous with cheap craploa films, gives the viewers nothing to hold their interest. When you aren't laughing at the inane lack of scientific fact and premise (like how when they find an old man in the caves, he says he's been there for 14 years. But how was he able to tell time down in there?), you'll be bored into a coma with wooden acting and a plodding plot that goes nowhere fast. Even the cast seems to have absolutely no interest in this lame duck of a film. Veteran actors, John Carradine and Phyllis Coates (who's best known as Lois Lane on the 50's Superman t.v. show), are simply wasted in their roles. Carradine spends almost the entire movie standing around and looking worried, while Coates spends her time trying to be catty with the only other female present (played by Sheila Noonan), when she isn't fending off a clumsy attempt at rape by an old cave dweller (played by Maurice Bernard). There is simply no noteworthy performance at all, even if the script did give them something to work with.

The special effects are equally bland. The volcano eruption near the end of the film is a joke, as we never even see the volcano itself. You'd think Warren could have swiped some stock footage of one doing so. About the only bit of interest the film can muster is within the first few minutes after the opening credits, where we are treated to some stock footage of sea life, which is capped off with a pretty neat fight between an octopus and a shark. The film is strictly downhill from there, all the way to its obligatory Hollywood happy ending.

I can forgive a movie being bad. I can forgive it for being cheap and cheesy. I can even forgive it for being pandering. But I cannot forgive it for being boring, which exactly what this waste of celluloid is. The only things that are petrified in "The Incredible Petrified World" are the acting and sense of suspense. Avoid this dreck at all costs, unless you run out of sleeping pills.

Rating: 0 Stars (out of 4)

Review: The Exterminator

Synopsis: A Vietnam veteran hunts down the gang that assaulted his best friend and becomes the target of the police, the CIA and the underworld in this bloody and brutal tale of murder and intrigue.

Review: Something that can be found in all the best grindhouse films, is their ability to tap into the most primal of human emotions. The rawness of the film style brings a gritty realism to the proceeding. That is certainly true in the case of the vengeance-fueled fantasy that is "The Exterminator!"

Former vet, John Eastland (played very effectively by Robert Ginty), finds life in New York City is even more savage than the jungles of Vietnam, after the near-fatal assault of his best friend causes him to wage his own personal war on the criminal element of the city. Of course, such actions will not go unnoticed.

Right from the start, writer/director James Glickenhaus lets you know just what you are in for with this film, as it begins with a horrific flashback to Eastland's time in 'Nam and sets the tone of the violent displays that will soon follow it. While the special effects are not what one would call "high quality," the sheer brutality of what is shown (and often what is not shown) adds a degree of realism that most big budget special effects extravaganzas never could hope to achieve. The beheading scene during the wartime flashback (done masterfully by special effect artist Stan Winston), for example, perfectly illustrates what I mean. It's a gripping moment, due to the harshness and savage way it is presented. Most of the violence is presented in this fashion and it gives the film an edge over many of the like-minded ones that were being produced at the time. They also did a very good job of portraying New York City in the late 70's. The feeling of urban decay, filth, and human misery is almost palpable. Quite simply, you might almost feel the need to bathe after watching this film.

As far as the story goes, it's pretty straight-forward. Just your typical revenge style fantasy stuff, which was like a cottage industry back then. There are some bits about the political climate of the time woven into things, as Eastland's actions are not taken well by political figures, who feel his war on crime makes them look inept and weak. But while the politics are in the background, they never really dominate the story. Instead, the focus is kept on Eastland's private war. Most of the performances range from adequate to banal, but then one doesn't watch this kind of cinema expecting Oscar-worthy acting. Robert Ginty was never really a great actor, with this film being his biggest claim to fame, but he truly brought out a great performance here. You can understand and relate to him and why he's doing what he is. I also liked the role of the cop out to stop him (played solidly by Christopher George). However, the romance he strikes up with a nurse (played by Samantha Eggar) doesn't really fit in with the rest of the tone of the film. As a result, it feels tacked on and unnecessary, only serving to take time away from getting more insights into Ginty's character. The ending of the film is, without question, not your typical Hollywood kind and the film only benefits from that.

While many might see "The Exterminator" as just a fairly typical entry into this sub-genre of film, I think some of the smaller bits within it shine through enough that it stands out from most fare of this nature. Within the realm of grindhouse flicks, this one is certainly one of the better ones out there. The rawness and grit of the setting and the downtroddened feeling in the performances, gives the film a legitimacy few others of it's kind ever have. Genre fans would do well to seek it out.

Rating: 2 1/2 Stars (out of 4)

Review: Drive Angry

Synopsis: A vengeful father escapes from hell and chases after the men who killed his daughter and kidnapped his granddaughter.

Review: Nic Cage's career has been one heck of a roller-coaster ride. From highs so high, you'd think he was worthy of a place among Hollywood's leading men legends, to lows so low, that you wonder if his agent is out to sabotage him to never working in film again, his film credits have run the gamut. In the grand scheme of all that, "Drive Angry," while not the lowest point he's ever hit, certainly is on that end of the dividing line.

Cage plays a man named Milton, who's come back from the depths of Hell, to revenge his daughter's murder and grand-daughter's kidnapping at the hands of Jonah King (played by Billy Burke) and his devil cult. All while picking up a sexy sidekick (played by Amber Heard) and dodging a hell-born truant officer (played by William Fichtner).

If that plot sounds completely preposterous, that's only because it is.The film is on the level of a low-budget grindhouse affair, but is lacking in the true grit and feeling of sleaziness that a true one would have. Cage spends the entire film with the same expression on his face, whether he's blowing people away, talking about his love for his daughter, or getting it on with a cheap floozy. Meanwhile, Billy Burke's character is simply evil incarnate, without a single redeeming factor or any complexity of any kind. He doesn't just lack depth of character, but shallowness of character. Amber Heard is simply somevery sexy arm candy for Cage, as the plot shows her to be little more than the perpetual damsel in distress, even when she's trying to kick some ass herself. The only one to bring anything of value to this proceeding, is William Fichtner as the hellspawn retriever known as "the Accountant." His deadpan expressions and flippant remarks make up most of the humor to be found (which isn't much) in this action-paced mess.

Co-Writer/Director Patrick Lussier, who's resume includes such cinematic gems like "Dracula 2000," "The Prophecy 3" and "White Noise 2" opts to leave out such unnecessary trivialities, like a coherent plot, character motivations and explanations, and emotional drama, to give more time to the much more important special effects, action sequences, and 3-D elements. Why create a mood, when you can simply blow things up?

Pretty much everything else is just explosions, car chases, and blood-letting. Some of which is fairly well done and the one sole area the film tries to excel at. We get no real insights into Cage's or Heard's characters. The script has Cage telling us how much he loved his daughter and how Heard was "waiting for something" in her life, but it's never really bought to life in the film. There is absolutely zero emotional investment in any of these characters. Even in the most shoot-'em-up action-fest around, you need to make folks care about what happens to the hero. Such is never the case here, because to do that would take time away from blasting people with shotguns and watching cars race down the highway. Despite it's R-rating, the film actually feels like it's aimed to appeal to boys between 12-16 years-old, which is only fitting as the film is on the same maturity level.

In the end, "Drive Angry" is an empty barrel, as the amount of noise made during the viewing should no doubt tell you. It hits one-note throughout its 104 minute run time and never even tries to go beyond it. I could almost believe they wanted to make a grindhouse film, except the budget for the action and special effects goes against that, as well as going after a star of Nic Cage's level (although, with films like this to his credits, that might start to change). It's too "shiny" to be a grindhouse film, but too poorly conceived to be a true Hollywood action blockbuster. I suppose if you had a couple hours to kill and were looking for a totally mindless experience, you could do worse than this film. But for the action junkies out there, you have many other offerings that will fill your need for carnage, and are better made films, than this one is. It's really only one to see, when you've seen most everything else this film genre has to offer.

Rating: 1 1/2 Stars (out of 4)