Review: The Acid Eaters

Synopsis: A group of office workers go every Friday afternoon to the White Pyramid, a 50-foot tower of LSD run by the Devil. Groovy!

Review: Films that focus on the psychedelic side of the 60's are always something that will leave most people scratching their heads at some point, with linear thought not a major concern of the film-makers. But this sexploitation attempt at doing so will more likely leave you bored out of your skull!

The basic plot, if you can call it such, is about a group of 9-to-5 workers, who spend their weekends getting high on LSD and having body-painting sex orgies at the lake. That is, when they don't go looking for a giant white pyramid of LSD and end up trapped inside by "the devil." No, really. That's the story here.

Director Byron Mabe is no stranger to the sexploitation genre. His work on films like "A Smell of Honey, A Swallow of Brine" and "The Head Mistress," while certainly not award-winning material, at least had some of the sleazy and entertaining charms one expects of this brand of film. With this one he over-reaches his bounds, as the attempts to marry the drug culture to soft-core porn is a mix that just does work here.

None of the characters ever really get developed. You don't really learn enough about anyone to care or understand what's going on with them. In fact, only the script seems to outdo them in the underdevelopment department. If there was some kind of coherent plot here, I surely missed it. Nothing in this film gels together. One scene we're watching them get high and frolic at the beach, then someone is killed, and then we go to the white pyramid. There's no rhyme or reason to any of it. The camera work isn't all that great, as we get "treated" to an over use of looped segments of the gang riding on motorcycles and scenes that just drag on way too long, or pathetic attempts at being psychedelic, with some swirling colors and the like. Really, it's like they just took every tired cliché of these kinds of films, slapped in some boobies jiggling around, and called it good. At just around an hour long, it easily feels four time that in length as you are watching it. Even the ample curves of the delicious Pat Barrington can do nothing to make this piece of garbage watchable. The fact half the cast of this film never did any others after it, I think pretty much says all that needs to be said about the quality and worthwhile value of this bomb. Heck, I don't even think getting stoned could help you to enjoy this pointless and pandering mess.

It is possible to make an interesting as entertaining psychedelic film. "The Acid Eaters," however, will never be one of them. It is a blatant and obvious cash-in on the drug culture of the times, that does nothing to advance any insights into it and only insults the intelligence of the audience that watches it. I really can't say enough about how horrible this movie is. It really gives stoners a bad name... even worse than the one they already have. Avoid this turkey at all costs, as I'm pretty sure it'll do more to damage your brain cells than actual LSD will.

Rating: 0 Stars (out of 4)

Review: Jennifer's Body

Synopsis: When a hot and sexy teenaged girl becomes possessed by a flesh eating demon, the boys of her high school end up the target of her new man-eating ways.


Review: "Jennifer's Body" is the kind of film that should remind us all that it takes a lot more to be clever, hip and interesting, then merely spouting a few modern slang terms and a sexy pout. They try to play up a campy teen angst kind of thing here, but it never rings true. It's more like pseudo-angst, thought up by a focus group of Hollywood suits, that tries to play to what they think teenagers would find "cool," only to fail miserably in the attempt.


The premise of this tale, is about how a teenage babe (played by Megan Fox) is sacrificed to Satan, by a loser indie band in the hopes they may be granted fame and fortune, only for her to become a flesh eating demon, because she wasn't a virgin when she was sacrificed. No, really, that is the basic plot outline here.


The film tries to come off as an edgier mix of "Mean Girls" and "Scream," but ends up as merely a putrid pile of trash, that is way too self-absorbed and into itself, and comes across as thinking it is way more clever and hip than it actually is. Most teenage horror-comedies are an extremely superficial affair, but this one is shallow at BEING shallow. There's nothing here beneath the surface at all. No insights, no meaning, no message. Heck, there's no real laughs or scares, either (unless you are of the kind who'd giggle during the make out scene with Fox and Seyfried). Like some vapid teen pretty girl, the film never looks out of it's own self-induced tunnel vision, thinking itself way too smart and cool, and the film loses any chance to be relevant or entertaining. It's not just style over substance, but a self-deluded and half-formed idea of style over substance. Why have a coherent story and plot? Look, Megan Fox is swimming naked in a lake! Isn't that just so awesome?!


It seems little thought was put into the script, direction, or anything else. It is merely a vehicle for Megan Fox to look ultra-sexy (in that slutty way she usually does). No one ever bothers to go beyond this, as everyone else is just some stereotype or cipher character, used for the demands of Fox's character, who looks like she has a totally vacant expression throughout the whole movie (the very same one you'll probably have, after you watch this crap). The only thing it goes to show, is that Fox is truly a horrible actress and is certainly not up to the task of headlining a film. It takes a lot more than a few cute slang terms being thrown around, and some pathetic attempt at controversy (with a little girl-on-girl make out moment), to make a worthwhile story. Honestly, the thing feels like it was written by a couple of 13 year-old boys, who got a look at their father's Playboy collection for the first time, and thought this would be a great idea for a film. It is just a blatant attempt to appeal to the "teeny-bopper" crowd, who love films like "Twlight" and the like, and has absolutely no regards to the intelligence of the target audience (or any other audience, in general). Writer Diablo Cody won an Oscar for her work on "Juno," but her sophomore effort is just a meandering and sophomoric dud! It tries too hard to be too many thing: funny, scary, emotional, dramatic, all while trying to drive home some feminist-minded clap-trap about the relationship between teenage girls and power structures of sex among teens. I'm sure Cody had the best of intentions with this film, but the execution is so bad that it ends up a jumbled and lackluster effort, which should have never been made.


This is, without a doubt, the worst movie I've seen all year. If this doesn't register on many a film critics and film fans "worst of" lists for 2009, I fear for the mental sanity of the industry. "Jennifer's Body" is honest as a title for this travesty of celluloid, though, as the only thing the film ever concerns itself with is how "hawt" the title character looks. Unless you are a hormone-raging teenage boy, with Megan Fox as your ultimate fantasy plaything, avoid this dreck at all costs! Heck, even if you are one, you should avoid it, as even hormone-raging teenage boys deserve to be marketed to better than this.


Rating: 0 Stars (our of 4)

Plenty to Hyde!

Here's a half film/DVD review for the low budget obscure title (unless you had cable in the early 80's) "Jekyll and Hyde... Together Again" from 1982. The film was released by Paramount Pictures in late 1982 to a few select theaters.

"Hyde" is a over-the-top wacky comedy, about a mixture of doctors and 70's drug abuse. Now the plot in a little nutshell, is about a surgeon named Daniel Jekyll (Mark Blankfield), who finds some research program that gets him hooked upon some kinda mumbo-jumbo power to make him into Mr. Hyde. Silly premise, but it involves cocaine. Yes, the white powder drug! And then, he goes mad and acts silly and really reckless, while going on to destroy video arcades/supermarkets and nightclubs, too. He's engaged to a little rich woman (Bess Armstrong from Jaws 3-D), who has no clue what's going on, or is too blind to.

Now enough of the plot, on with it's little cult classic history. At one time, I believe in 1983, late night cable had a field day with this little film. It was often talked about how funny it was. By the 90's, however, it was out of print and never to be seen again. It soon develops a cult status following all over the Internet. Now, on June 3rd of 2008, Legend Films picks up the rights to several of Paramount Pictures obscure titles and this is one of them. Released with different artwork than what your seeing here. It delivers a not too bad transfer, so for $10 I went for it, not having ever seen this on cable (and there wasn't too many I missed back then). It looked as though it could have been funny back then, but not now. It has not aged well and has become extremely dated looking. For a R-rated movie it lacks, with very little nudity and lots of drug haze humor. As far as R-rated film go, I've seen worse in Cheech and Chong movies than this. I really wanted to like this movie and laugh my head off, like everyone else was saying they did, but I just didn't get it. Sorry. And for that, I got nothing to "Hyde!" Well, except maybe the one star out of four I'm gonna give it...

Review: Shoot 'Em Up

Synopsis: A man named Mr. Smith delivers a woman's baby during a shootout, and is then called upon to protect the newborn from the army of gunmen.

Review: To say that this film is over the top at being over the top, would be as intellectually insightful as saying water is wet. There's not a single thing in this movie that can be taken seriously, despite the fact it's loaded with violence and adult themes, and therein lies the true charm of the spectacle. Clive Owens plays the mystery man known only as "Smith." After he helps a women birth her child during a gunfight, he finds himself caught up in a web of outrageous political intrigue, with the baby's life, as well as his own, as the stakes. This is basically a parody send up of every gun-blazing, ass-kicking, tough guy action film you've ever even heard about. Owens character never misses a shot (or the chance to chomp on some carrots), in shootouts that are not just overly exaggerated, but completely impossible, in many cases. You have Paul Giamatti as the sleazy hitman out to get him and the baby, with Monica Bellucci simply providing eye-candy, as the milk-giving whore helping Smith to save the child. There isn't a single moment that you can really take any of this seriously, but the filmmakers know this and don't just fail to apologize for it, but actually revel in it. The choreography in the gunfights is superb. If you could actually pull off some of the stunts shown here, I fully believe the real would be as mindlessly violent as this film is. My favorite has to be the skydiving shootout, where physics and several universal laws of kinetic energy and gravity simply don't exist. This is to say nothing of the many machismo one-liners that are constantly thrown around throughout the film, which provide the perfect black humor to the massive amounts of killing going on. Of course, one can't forget the rocking soundtrack, complete with trashy metal sounds, from groups like Motley Crue and Motorhead, that only intensifies the sensation. Is "Shoot 'Em Up" sexist? Yep. Is it somewhat homophobic? You betcha. Is it overly violent? Oh, hell yes! The film is all of that, as well as not having a single redeeming value within the whole product. Yet, despite all of this, it is still a rip-roaring, testosterone-fueled, slam-banging, out-of-control good time, that will charm it's way into your heart and have you quoting lines from it for days afterwards! If you are someone who's easily offended, or has delicate sensibilities, then this movie is one you probably should avoid. For everyone else, just sit back and watch the mindless carnage unfold. This is truly a guy's movie, for guys who like movies. And it is probably the guiltiest pleasure experience I've had in some time.

Rating: 3 Stars (out of 4)

Review: Spaceballs

Synopsis: A farcical parody of many sci-fi classics, in which Planet Spaceball's President Skroob sends Lord Dark Helmet to steal Planet Druidia's abundant supply of air to replenish their own, and only Lone Starr can stop them.

Review: By the time of this film's release, Mel Brooks had already established himself as the master of the genre spoof film. But "Spaceballs" is, if not his finest hour, one of the top three efforts in his long list of satirizing comedies. And geek culture would never be the same.

Basically parodying the original Star Wars saga, but mixing in elements of other sci-fi mainstays, like "Star Trek," "Alien" and others, Brooks employs his twisted skills to skewer one of the most beloved and well-known franchises in movie history and does so masterfully. There are plenty of sight-gags and word play moments, as is expected in a Mel Brooks comedy. I especially liked all the "Spaceballs" merchandise that constantly shows up in the film. From bed sheets to toilet paper, it's one of several running gags that I never get tired of.

It features some early work by Bill Pullman and Daphne Zuniga, who would both move on to bigger things in the future. Here, they have a perfect chemistry, as the snobby-but-yielding Princess and the rugged-but-tender hero. I like that, even before they fall for each other, they already argue like an old married couple.

The main stars here, though, are (the late) John Candy and Rick Moranis, both of whom are staples in the world of the 80's comedy film. John Candy has some nice scenes and gets some yuks going, but it is Rick Moranis, as the evil-but-inept Lord Dark Helmet, who basically steals the show. Most of the funniest moment and lines belong to him. From playing with his "Spaceballs" dolls, to having his men (literally) combing the desert for our heroes, he proves that, even in a total farce, evil is always the more interesting and fun to watch.

Many others have tried to imitate Brooks style of comedic humor, most notably Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer, but try as others might, they simply cannot compete with the master. Because the one thing that Mel Brooks comedy spoofs do, that others do not, is know when to "not go there." His humor is tactless, without ever being tasteless. "Spaceballs" remains one of Brooks best works and is certainly my personal favorite. If you love sci-fi, or if you hate it, you'll find plenty to enjoy in this film!

Rating: 3 Stars (out of 4)

Review: Cannibal! The Musical

Synopsis: From the incredibly twisted minds of Trey Parker and Matt Stone, comes an irreverent musical comedy, based on true events, about the only man in Colorado history to be convicted of cannibalism.

Review: Created long before they dropped the world of "South Park" on the universe, this is the first work by the satirical geniuses, Matt Stone and Trey Parker. Steeped in the traditions of using toilet humor and music, which they have come to make famous, they tackle the true story of one of the most harrowing and gruesome events in American history.

While the subject matter would seem ill-advised for comedic trope, they manage to make it funny with the many outlandish and ludicrous situations and songs to keep this parody palatable. The song "Let's Build A Snowman" is one that will quickly get stuck into your brain and you'll be singing along with, before you know it.

The opening scene is quite bloody and macabre, which will serve to remind you that this event was no bag of laughs for those who were involved, but the lowbrow and slapstick nature of the humor will keep you laughing throughout the proceedings. Like watching a chef hone their skills, you will get a very good look at the style of humor Parker and Stone would make a staple of their career. It's obvious this film is very near and dear to them, as the opening song, "It's a Shpdoinkle Day," is still played at the end of every episode of "South Park."

This is a bit more lower budget than some of their later films, like "Orgazmo" and "BASEketball," but the true talent of these twisted minds still shines through. The overall transfer of the DVD is pretty good, which is a bit surprising coming from Troma, and is one of the best films from the company's catalog.

If you are a fan of Parker and Stone's other works, then you'll need to have this film in your collection (if you don't already). But even if you only like comedy that isn't "politically correct," then I fully believe you'll enjoy this film and all the ridiculous, off-beat and completely irreverent antics found within. Have a Shpdoinkle day!

Rating: 3 Stars (out of 4) (4 Stars, if you love Parker and Stone's other works.)