Review: 10,000 B.C.

Synopsis:A epic prehistoric tale, that follows a young mammoth hunter's journey through uncharted territory to secure the future of his tribe and save the woman he loves.

Review: "10,000 B.C." is a classic example of a film where all the budget was put into the cinematography and special effect, with little regard given to the script and acting. The results are an epic adventure tale, that is neither adventurous or epic.

This story of a young hunter who faces his predestined fate to lead his tribe, could have been a compelling and intense story of human history. But the script is so horribly flawed and the acting so bland, that there is nothing to emotionally connect the audience to the characters or the story. You simply don't really care about any of it.

I never bought the love story between the two lead characters. Their unemotive acting skills, hampered by a scripted romance that is so schmaltzy and unbelievable, that it isn't even worthy of being used as a dime store romance novel, much less a major budget motion picture, never brings about any sense of true emotion from the viewer. You not only don't believe these two people love each other, you don't even care enough to wonder why you feel that way. I'll admit I wasn't around back then to see how these people interacted with each other, but I can tell you it was probably nothing at all like this. And the way the girl survives to be with her man in the end, is so mind-numbingly unbelievable, it is more of an insult to the viewers intelligence, rather than the uplifting emotional moment the writers and director probably intended it to be.

Another problem with the film is all the historical inaccuracies. When you want to make a film that is based on the history of the human race on Earth, if you can't create a stirring tale of fiction with human history as the backdrop, you'd do well to try to keep as close to the facts as you can. I mean, while the ancient Egyptians did use slave labor to build their vast cities and monuments, I don't believe that Woolly Mammoths were there to help in that. If this movie was about some alien world, I might be able to overlook this kind of thing, but if you are going to use actual Earth history as your setting, either use it right or don't use it at all. When it can be said that "One Million Years B.C." is a more historically accurate film, you know something is seriously wrong with your film's script and research.

Of course, the biggest problem I personally had with the film was the extremely slow and plodding pace, as the characters spend lots of time just walking around. I could have taken mini-naps between the major scenes of the film and not felt lost when I awoke and started watching it again. We get it, alright? They are traveling great distances. You don't need to make the audience feel like they are on one themselves, as they watch the film. An adventure tale is supposed to be exciting, not boring.

The one place the film does get it right, though, is the cinematography. There is some brilliant and breathtaking camera work here, with some very gorgeous wide angle shots of the lands the characters travel through. It is the one place where the film truly shines. It is not, however, anywhere near enough to reverse the detriments in the script, acting and researching of the film to make the story even remotely enjoyable.

"10,000 B.C." could have been one of the great epic adventure stories of the the last decade, but being saddled with poorly emoting actors, an unbelievable soap opera romance, historical inaccuracies you could fly a jumbo jet through, and a pace so slow and tedious it would put a snail to sleep, the film instead becomes one of the biggest and most costly of viewing disappointments, perhaps of all time ("Waterworld" has nothing on this film, believe me)! Unless you have a bad case of insomnia, give this film a major pass.

Rating: 1 Star (out of 4)

Review: The Incredible Petrified World

Synopsis: Four adventurers descend into the depths of the ocean when the cable on their underwater diving bell snaps. The rest of their expedition, believing them to be lost, abandons hope of finding them alive. Exiting the diving bell, the group finds themselves in a strange network of underwater caverns, as they search for a way back to the surface.

Review: When you think of 1950's sci-fi film, you generally think of something cheesy and scientifically unsound, but not being without a certain quaint charm and some unintentionally hilarious moments. "The Incredible Petrified World," however, will give you none of that, as the only charm it has is to bore you out of your ever-loving mind.

The basic premise of this snoozer of a story, has to do with a group of scientists who are looking to reach the hidden depths of the ocean, but end up in a strange world of undersea caves, deep below the surface, when their diving bell snaps from its cables. Now, they search for a way back to the surface world. Will they make it? Can they find the way? Is there one? Oh, the suspense is killing me...

Actually, the only thing that has any lethal power in this turkey of a film is the incredibly boring pace of the story, which has about as much suspense and tension as watching paint dry. There's just nothing here to engage you. Director Jerry Warren, who's name is synonymous with cheap craploa films, gives the viewers nothing to hold their interest. When you aren't laughing at the inane lack of scientific fact and premise (like how when they find an old man in the caves, he says he's been there for 14 years. But how was he able to tell time down in there?), you'll be bored into a coma with wooden acting and a plodding plot that goes nowhere fast. Even the cast seems to have absolutely no interest in this lame duck of a film. Veteran actors, John Carradine and Phyllis Coates (who's best known as Lois Lane on the 50's Superman t.v. show), are simply wasted in their roles. Carradine spends almost the entire movie standing around and looking worried, while Coates spends her time trying to be catty with the only other female present (played by Sheila Noonan), when she isn't fending off a clumsy attempt at rape by an old cave dweller (played by Maurice Bernard). There is simply no noteworthy performance at all, even if the script did give them something to work with.

The special effects are equally bland. The volcano eruption near the end of the film is a joke, as we never even see the volcano itself. You'd think Warren could have swiped some stock footage of one doing so. About the only bit of interest the film can muster is within the first few minutes after the opening credits, where we are treated to some stock footage of sea life, which is capped off with a pretty neat fight between an octopus and a shark. The film is strictly downhill from there, all the way to its obligatory Hollywood happy ending.

I can forgive a movie being bad. I can forgive it for being cheap and cheesy. I can even forgive it for being pandering. But I cannot forgive it for being boring, which exactly what this waste of celluloid is. The only things that are petrified in "The Incredible Petrified World" are the acting and sense of suspense. Avoid this dreck at all costs, unless you run out of sleeping pills.

Rating: 0 Stars (out of 4)

Review: The Exterminator

Synopsis: A Vietnam veteran hunts down the gang that assaulted his best friend and becomes the target of the police, the CIA and the underworld in this bloody and brutal tale of murder and intrigue.

Review: Something that can be found in all the best grindhouse films, is their ability to tap into the most primal of human emotions. The rawness of the film style brings a gritty realism to the proceeding. That is certainly true in the case of the vengeance-fueled fantasy that is "The Exterminator!"

Former vet, John Eastland (played very effectively by Robert Ginty), finds life in New York City is even more savage than the jungles of Vietnam, after the near-fatal assault of his best friend causes him to wage his own personal war on the criminal element of the city. Of course, such actions will not go unnoticed.

Right from the start, writer/director James Glickenhaus lets you know just what you are in for with this film, as it begins with a horrific flashback to Eastland's time in 'Nam and sets the tone of the violent displays that will soon follow it. While the special effects are not what one would call "high quality," the sheer brutality of what is shown (and often what is not shown) adds a degree of realism that most big budget special effects extravaganzas never could hope to achieve. The beheading scene during the wartime flashback (done masterfully by special effect artist Stan Winston), for example, perfectly illustrates what I mean. It's a gripping moment, due to the harshness and savage way it is presented. Most of the violence is presented in this fashion and it gives the film an edge over many of the like-minded ones that were being produced at the time. They also did a very good job of portraying New York City in the late 70's. The feeling of urban decay, filth, and human misery is almost palpable. Quite simply, you might almost feel the need to bathe after watching this film.

As far as the story goes, it's pretty straight-forward. Just your typical revenge style fantasy stuff, which was like a cottage industry back then. There are some bits about the political climate of the time woven into things, as Eastland's actions are not taken well by political figures, who feel his war on crime makes them look inept and weak. But while the politics are in the background, they never really dominate the story. Instead, the focus is kept on Eastland's private war. Most of the performances range from adequate to banal, but then one doesn't watch this kind of cinema expecting Oscar-worthy acting. Robert Ginty was never really a great actor, with this film being his biggest claim to fame, but he truly brought out a great performance here. You can understand and relate to him and why he's doing what he is. I also liked the role of the cop out to stop him (played solidly by Christopher George). However, the romance he strikes up with a nurse (played by Samantha Eggar) doesn't really fit in with the rest of the tone of the film. As a result, it feels tacked on and unnecessary, only serving to take time away from getting more insights into Ginty's character. The ending of the film is, without question, not your typical Hollywood kind and the film only benefits from that.

While many might see "The Exterminator" as just a fairly typical entry into this sub-genre of film, I think some of the smaller bits within it shine through enough that it stands out from most fare of this nature. Within the realm of grindhouse flicks, this one is certainly one of the better ones out there. The rawness and grit of the setting and the downtroddened feeling in the performances, gives the film a legitimacy few others of it's kind ever have. Genre fans would do well to seek it out.

Rating: 2 1/2 Stars (out of 4)

Review: Drive Angry

Synopsis: A vengeful father escapes from hell and chases after the men who killed his daughter and kidnapped his granddaughter.

Review: Nic Cage's career has been one heck of a roller-coaster ride. From highs so high, you'd think he was worthy of a place among Hollywood's leading men legends, to lows so low, that you wonder if his agent is out to sabotage him to never working in film again, his film credits have run the gamut. In the grand scheme of all that, "Drive Angry," while not the lowest point he's ever hit, certainly is on that end of the dividing line.

Cage plays a man named Milton, who's come back from the depths of Hell, to revenge his daughter's murder and grand-daughter's kidnapping at the hands of Jonah King (played by Billy Burke) and his devil cult. All while picking up a sexy sidekick (played by Amber Heard) and dodging a hell-born truant officer (played by William Fichtner).

If that plot sounds completely preposterous, that's only because it is.The film is on the level of a low-budget grindhouse affair, but is lacking in the true grit and feeling of sleaziness that a true one would have. Cage spends the entire film with the same expression on his face, whether he's blowing people away, talking about his love for his daughter, or getting it on with a cheap floozy. Meanwhile, Billy Burke's character is simply evil incarnate, without a single redeeming factor or any complexity of any kind. He doesn't just lack depth of character, but shallowness of character. Amber Heard is simply somevery sexy arm candy for Cage, as the plot shows her to be little more than the perpetual damsel in distress, even when she's trying to kick some ass herself. The only one to bring anything of value to this proceeding, is William Fichtner as the hellspawn retriever known as "the Accountant." His deadpan expressions and flippant remarks make up most of the humor to be found (which isn't much) in this action-paced mess.

Co-Writer/Director Patrick Lussier, who's resume includes such cinematic gems like "Dracula 2000," "The Prophecy 3" and "White Noise 2" opts to leave out such unnecessary trivialities, like a coherent plot, character motivations and explanations, and emotional drama, to give more time to the much more important special effects, action sequences, and 3-D elements. Why create a mood, when you can simply blow things up?

Pretty much everything else is just explosions, car chases, and blood-letting. Some of which is fairly well done and the one sole area the film tries to excel at. We get no real insights into Cage's or Heard's characters. The script has Cage telling us how much he loved his daughter and how Heard was "waiting for something" in her life, but it's never really bought to life in the film. There is absolutely zero emotional investment in any of these characters. Even in the most shoot-'em-up action-fest around, you need to make folks care about what happens to the hero. Such is never the case here, because to do that would take time away from blasting people with shotguns and watching cars race down the highway. Despite it's R-rating, the film actually feels like it's aimed to appeal to boys between 12-16 years-old, which is only fitting as the film is on the same maturity level.

In the end, "Drive Angry" is an empty barrel, as the amount of noise made during the viewing should no doubt tell you. It hits one-note throughout its 104 minute run time and never even tries to go beyond it. I could almost believe they wanted to make a grindhouse film, except the budget for the action and special effects goes against that, as well as going after a star of Nic Cage's level (although, with films like this to his credits, that might start to change). It's too "shiny" to be a grindhouse film, but too poorly conceived to be a true Hollywood action blockbuster. I suppose if you had a couple hours to kill and were looking for a totally mindless experience, you could do worse than this film. But for the action junkies out there, you have many other offerings that will fill your need for carnage, and are better made films, than this one is. It's really only one to see, when you've seen most everything else this film genre has to offer.

Rating: 1 1/2 Stars (out of 4)

Review: Vice Squad

Synopsis: Pimps, hookers, lowlife scum... you'll find them all in the big city, where sex and violence rule the landscape. But that's just another typical night on the mean streets for the Vice Squad!

Review: I'm something of an amateur devotee of low budget, grindhouse films. From flicks of the 60's to the present, I've seen my fair share. However, "Vice Squad" is one that will probably always standout to me, both in good ways and bad.

The basic plot is that a prostitute named "Princess" (played by Season Hubley) helps a seasoned vice cop (played by Gary Swanson) to take down a violent and deranged pimp named "Ramrod" (played by Wings Hauser), after he kills another prostitute friend of her's (played by Nina Blackwood), but soon becomes the target of the pimp's homicidal rage, after he escapes custody. Now the race is on between the vice squad and Ramrod, as to who will get to Princess first! The film is certainly not for the faint of heart, or those who easily offend. No punches are pulled in the violence and degradation that is shown.

It has a sort of gritty realism to it, but it doesn't quite make it over the hump to where you totally buy it. This is due to the stretching of credibility in some key moments. I mean, would an entire vice squad really go all out to find a single prostitute, even if her life were in danger? No, probably not. One cop, maybe two, but not the whole squad. And the violent pimp, who seems to constantly flip from calm to psychopathic at the drop of hat, would he really be able to intimidate all the hard players of this underbelly of civilized society? Again, probably not. So, when such instances happen, it takes you out of the moment and costs the film a lot of the dramatic tension it's trying to build.

Director Gary Sherman certainly does a nice job of portraying the seedier side of the big city (in this case Hollywood), as the grunge and sleaze of society's "forgotten people" is well displayed almost constantly. Sadly, though, there is little shown to us beneath that grimy surface. You never get into the minds of any of the players. You get a brief scene with Princess sending her daughter away, to show she has a softer side, but you never get much context on it. Even worse is Gary Swanson's play at the vice cop who gives a damn. Besides a very wooden performance, you never really get any insight into his reasons for being a vice cop. As he is asked at the film's end, "Why do you do it, Walsh? The streets are never going to change." The question is never answered, either to the character in the film or the audience.

The one solid bit here, is Wings Hauser's turn as the ultra-violent Ramrod. He plays it up for all he's worth here. He is certainly one of the perennial heavies of the 80's, both in film and television, but he steps things up a notch here, going from mean to downright brutal. His use of a coat hanger to whip up on prostitutes, shows a level of darkness that goes beyond ordinary misogyny. While most of the other actors just sort of plod along in their roles, Wings uses his to be a force of nature in the story, which is where most of the drama and action stems from.

The film is certainly not what one would call "classic," either in the award-winning sense or otherwise, but despite it's many flaws, it still manages to hold your attention and stick with you long after you've watched it. Whether that is due to it having that special 80's vibe, that made many less-than-stellar films give you that sensation, or merely the fact you can't look away from the sometimes over-the-top slimy nature of it all, I can't say for sure. All I can say is that, for good or ill, this is one film you won't soon forget.

Rating: 2 1/2 Stars (out of 4)

Review: Terminator Salvation

Synopsis: The fourth installment of the classic sci-fi action story takes us into the future, as John Connor and the human resistance battle the forces of Skynet. But when a mysterious strangers enters their fold, will he be the key in destroying Skynet or the end of the human race?

Review: I had high hopes, like many, going into this film. As a fan of the franchise, I was looking forward to that "blown out of my seat" experience the other films of this saga have given me. Besides which, this is the film we've all been waiting for since the beginning, right? The future war! The resistance vs. Skynet! It couldn't possibly be bad, could it? Oh, you couldn't be more wrong!

This film lacked anything in the way of atmosphere or suspense. The mood of the film was extremely flat from almost the start and never really came to life. On top of that, I feel too much time was spent on the machines and not enough on John Connor and the humans (whom you'd think we should be rooting for). Sam Worthington's character, of the man made into a machine, never gained any sympathy or interest from me. The fact they gave away the "secret" to his character in the trailers, certainly didn't help that, either. His character's actions are schizophrenic, at best, half the time making little sense, if any, and almost never ring true. A major flaw, to be sure, with how much time he gets on screen.

Then you have Christian Bale, who plays John Connor as a "Batman-lite" affair. He uses the same kind of voice here, that he did in "The Dark Knight" and it just doesn't work. He portrays none of the charisma and leadership that we know the character is supposed to have. All the emotions we've felt for him in the past are all stripped away here, as he comes off like a whiny and self-absorbed jerk. Hardly one you'd want being the savior of the human race. None of the other resistance members get enough screen time to make any kind of impression on you, so you never develop any bond in what might happen to them. I don't know if the cast just didn't care about the film, or if the script just gave them nothing to work with, but there is no fire in any of the performances.

And even if the script doesn't let the actors down, it has more than a few problems itself. They never really explain why Sam Worthington's character is the one chosen by Skynet. The story never gives you any feelings of dread or panic, despite tons of action on the screen. And while those action sequences are well shot and choreographed, they lack any real excitement. It never gets your pulse pounding. Plus there are tons of little things in the film, like Connor's wife being pregnant, which get no explanation or even a passing mention. I mean, what's the point in doing that, if it doesn't mean anything? And why is Skynet herding people into camps (ala the Nazis)? Shouldn't it simply be destroying all human life, to protect itself and win the war? It is another plot point that makes no sense, nor is given any reasoning for, in a script filled with them. Worst of all, and the one major flaw that ruins the whole film for me, is how, after Skynet has captured Kyle Reese (played by Anton Yelchin, in one of the few decent performances in the film), it doesn't kill him immediately, but uses him as bait to lure John Connor into a rescue mission. This kind of thinking, in terms of revenge and greed, is an emotional human failing Skynet should not have. It is a machine. It should know the simple equation: "Kill Kyle Reese, John Connor is no more!" The only reason for it, is to provide the big end battle, where Connor faces the Terminator 101-model (with CGI used to show Arnold in his prime). It's all just a wasted effort and doesn't deliver any thrills.

Many folks blasted "T3" for some of the inconsistencies it had, but compared to this mess of a film, it was sheer cinematic brilliance! "Terminator Salvation" could truly be considered a franchise killer, on par with the fiasco that "Batman and Robin" was for the Batman one. Old school fans of this saga will not find this enjoyable, and any attempts to bring in new fans will be dashed at the overly-complicated back-story used to get them up to speed on this film. In short, this is a film that will appeal to few people, be they fans of these films or not. It is a complete waste of time, money and talent. And that is the purest definition of the term "whipped up movie," which this effort most assuredly is, that I can think of! It is easily one of the most disappointing films of the year.

Rating: 1 Star (out of 4)

Review: Swamp Thing

Synopsis: A scientist is transformed into a creature of muck and mire, after his experiment is stolen from him by a man bent on world domination. Now, the Swamp Thing stalks the swamps!

Review: "Swamp Thing" isn't what one might call a standard horror picture. It tries to play it a bit lighter than what you would expect, given the mechanics of the story. What you end up with is a fun and campy film, that sometimes lessens it's darker edge by trying too hard for a bit of humor.

Based from the comic series from DC Comics, the tale is about a scientist, Dr. Alec Holland (played by Ray Wise), who is transformed into a marsh-layered creature of immense power, after his experiment to create a way to make a more abundant food supply, causes him to run afoul of a man bent to use it for his own ends... a man named Arcane (played by Louis Jourdan).

I've noted before I am a big time comic reader, so I'm quite well versed with the history of the title character. Wes Craven, who both wrote and directed this film, takes quite a few liberties with the characters and their source material, but still manages to keep it true enough, so that they are easy to relate to and familiar. I liked Ray Wise's approach to the character, as he brought a great deal of altruistic idealism to him, which rang true to the character from the comics. Also well cast is Louis Jourdan as Arcane, as he gave him just the right amount of arrogant egotism and flamboyant self-aggrandizement, like the typical madman who thinks they know how to rule the world would have. Of course, Adrienne Barbeau is the real standout here, not just for the obvious physical attributes (which were obviously one of the reasons she was cast in the role of Holland's/Swamp Thing's love interest), but she manages to elevate herself from being more than just the usual damsel in distress, as watching her fight off attackers and shoot a gun, shows she's no weak-willed school girl. But it was her ability to make you believe that the chemistry she shared with Holland, was strong enough for her to accept him after his change into the Swamp Thing (which was played wonderfully by Dick Durock), that really cinched her performance with me. And let's face it, she don't look bad in soaking wet clothes, either. In fact, almost all of the cast do very good jobs with material that, at times, comes off a bit overly cheesy.

If there were any negatives to the film, I'd have to say that it was in the pacing and dialog. Granted, this isn't Shakespere, but the script sometimes seems to just strive too hard to stay closer to humor than horror. It results in some scenes losing some of the dramatic punch they might have had, if they would have allowed things to go just a touch darker. The pacing of the film is quite quick, though a bit too quick, in some cases. We never really got to see Holland actually transform into Swamp Thing, nor did we get much time spent on him trying to adjust to his new situation. I would have liked to see more of a struggle for him in dealing with what he had become and his loss of his physical humanity, as he just seems to accept it too quickly. The special effects aren't very special here, although the Swamp Thing outfit does pretty closely resemble the character in the comics, so long as you don't focus on the close-ups, when the rubbery look is very obvious. Of course, this is just a limitation of the times and can't really be counted as detriment to the film.

"Swamp Thing" is like a film that bridges the gap between the old 50's-60's horror films, with their poor special effects and unintentional cheesiness, and the more modern horror films that were to come. It does feel a bit like a throwback in a lot of ways, but the film has got a lot of heart and I think its charm ultimately won me over. It's not a very scary horror film, but it is an enjoyably fun film, nonetheless.

Rating: 2 1/2 Stars (out of 4)

Review: Rambo: First Blood Part II

Synopsis: In the hopes of getting a Presidential pardon, Rambo returns to action in Vietnam, on a mission to find missing POWs. But once the truth is revealed, he soon finds out that his real enemies might not be the ones shooting at him.

Review: As the second installment of the "Rambo" saga, this film definitely ups-the-ante in terms of action and body count. "Rambo: First Blood Part II" takes Rambo back to the jungles of Vietnam, where most of the mental traumas that dog him began. His mission is to search for missing POWs, instead he falls right back into a war that, for him, has never really ended.

As I said, the action in this film goes way beyond anything we saw in the first one (but with James Cameron as one of the screenplay writers, that's not exactly a surprise). Less content to let the personal and political dramas propel the action, this film is pretty much the reverse, with the action being cause to create those plot developments. In many way, this film seems to forget the humanity shown in the original and opts to let the excitement of the moment wash over you, like the backwash of an F-16 fighter jet, as the explosive battle sequences blast you against the back wall. Although, while extremely over the top in almost every stunt and fight, to the point ungodly suspension of disbelief is pretty much he order of the day, it is a beautifully choreographed bloodbath to behold. It basically, for good or ill, set the stage for what the 80's action epic would be expected to achieve for the rest of the decade.

While not exactly a deeply emotive character in the first film, Sly gets even less moments here. There is no understanding to what Rambo is feeling being back in the place that has tortured him so. There is almost no attempt to play on those feelings at all, save an all-too-brief scene on a boat, between Rambo and the young Vietnamese woman (played by Julia Nickson) who is helping him in the mission, but that's as far as they go to give you any idea on what Rambo is thinking and feeling, being back in 'Nam after all this time. I would have liked to get into Rambo's thoughts more, as the traumas he'd suffered there could have added even more depth to an emotionally complex character. But that simply isn't what this film was about.

Richard Crenna reprises his role, as Rambo's C.O., but he gets very little to do in this film. Whereas in the first he was a key to understanding Rambo and used to contrast the political themes that were presented, here he is merely a very small cog, used mainly to set up the plot to get Rambo back into action. He does have one very intense scene, where he argues with the slimy Washington bureaucrat (played by Charles Napier), which brought back a momentary flair from the first film, but it is over quickly, as the need to get back to the jungle slaughter is the paramount concern here.

"Rambo: First Blood Part II" was less the ending of an iconic character's saga (not the least of which is due to the fact two more sequels were made) and more the start of replacing character-driven action, with action-driven drama. It created a new standard for what action films could be (and in many cases, would be) from that point on. It set up a game of constant oneupmanship with the other action stars of the day, as they all attempted to outdo what this film began. In some ways, this film is almost a whole new entity, completely separate from the original film in every thing but the characters names, yet it is also strangely completely bound to it. As a sequel to a film that had some very deep philosophical and political themes, this film fails to recapture almost any of that same spirit, but in terms of spinning the action film genre into an ever growing and testosterone-fueled behemoth, determined to make the impossible seem probable, as well as solidifying Rambo's status as an 80's icon for all-time, the film succeeds on a level no other film could ever hope to manage. This is truly the film that epitomizes the phrase, "check your brain at the door and enjoy!" Which I am more than able to do.

Rating: 2 1/2 Stars (out of 4)

Review: First Blood

Synopsis: When a mentally traumatized Vietnam war vet is abused by a small town's police force, he begins a one man war with it.

Review: A lot of people would likely classify this film as an "action movie." While there is certainly some great action sequences to be found here, it is really so much more than that. "First Blood" is something more than the typical shoot 'em up action epic, as it has the undertones of some very definite political themes and societal messages that most mere "action movies" never do.

Aside from Rocky Balboa, John J. Rambo is without question the most iconic character in Sylvester Stallone's long career. And of the two, he is certainly the more emotionally complex. A man of deep loyalties and convictions, he is also easily able to shun aside the moralities of the supposed civilized world and, when provoked, become little more than a killing machine. It is this duality of a man who simply wants a quiet place for himself in the world, yet who is capable of committing some of the most outrageous acts of violence ever seen, that is what make the character so compelling.

But it isn't simply Sly's performance as Rambo that gives the film such resonance. Equally adding the this potent dramatic brew are veteran actors Brian Dennehy and Richard Crenna. While Sly spends most of the film running through forests and slogging through tunnels, the interaction between Dennehy and Crenna's characters brilliantly encapsulate the clash of political views at the story's core.

As noted the action scenes are very well done here. They almost make you believe that Rambo could single-handedly take down an entire town. They never go too far, or become too outlandish, with things. They keep it feeling just realistic enough to add the much needed tension for the inevitable showdown at the film's end. Adding to this is the stellar musical score by Jerry Goldsmith, which is just the perfect compliment to the story unfolding. It never distracts you from what's occurring on screen and, in fact, enhances the emotions of the situations even more. Just what any good score should do.

What more can be said about this film, that hasn't already been said a thousand times before? The film would create a cultural icon that would embody the decade of the 80's, as well as inspire sequel films for over 20 years. But while those sequels would easily up the ante in terms of non-stop action, they would never attain the same level of emotional drama that this film does. "First Blood" was a film that asked a lot of hard questions about a war, and it's aftermath, that had no easy answers. And that, above all else, is what makes it more than merely "another 80's action movie." It makes it a classic!

Rating: 4 Stars (out of 4)

Review: The Spirit

Synopsis: The masked hero, called the Spirit, must stop his arch-enemy, the Octopus, from fulfilling his evil mission: wipe out Spirit's beloved Central City, as he pursues his own version of immortality.

Review: First off, I have to say that I am a comic book reader and a superhero fan. I really like how the characters from some of my favorite comics, have been able to explode off the pages and on to the silver screen. Most times, I usually get a bit of a thrill seeing these characters brought to life. Then, however, there are times like when I watched "The Spirit" and wish they never would have left those four-color magazines.

Everything about this film is just wrong. The acting, the directing, the script, even the casting. It is flawed on almost every possible level a film can be. Gabriel Macht's performance in the title role is flat and completely uninspired. You can tell he was just phoning it in. Scarlett Johansson is totally wasted in her role, which was so superfluous, that she'd have been better off just not showing up on the set. Sam Jackson plays Sam Jackson, even though they call him "the Octopus." It's the same character he's been playing ever since "Pulp Fiction," and it's no longer entertaining (especially in a script this poor). Eva Mendes brings a little bit of sizzle and sexual intensity to things, but she's spends very little time on screen and simply cannot save this heaping pile of garbage.

The script is utter nonsense. I can't even really tell you what the story here is. Something about Sam Jackson out to get the blood of a Greek hero, so he can become immortal, or something. Even by the standards of a comic book script, this thing lacks anything to remotely make it understandable. The action is very cartoony, in that bad kind of way. The dramatic moments (or what passes for them) are so overwrought with cliches and hamfisted in the delivery, that it seems more like a comedic farce. And while I have enjoyed much of Frank Miller's comic work over the years, he simply is abysmal as a film director. Where is the direction in this movie? Where is the talent we know he possesses? Directors are supposed to help their cast pull forth great performances from within them. There is none of that here. It seems everyone was just there to collect their check, the director included.

The visual styling is nice and noir-ish. It is the one area the film produced anything of value. But after having seen it in "Sin City," "300" and other films of late, it's not really special anymore and can't prop up the fact that everything else about this movie stinks on ice. So, it's attempts to distract you from a lack of plot, strong performances and any real thrills, ultimately fails, like everything else in this turkey.

"The Spirit" is the kind of travesty that sets back comic related films 40 years. It is an amateurish production all the way through. It isn't faithful to the source material, nor is it entertaining in its own right. It doesn't even have the benefit of being "so bad it is good" in that cheesy way. Comic fans won't like this. Non-comic fans won't like this. It is truly a film without a valid audience. Everyone involved in this steaming pile of manure should be ashamed of themselves. Do yourself a big favor and avoid this trash and see a GOOD comic book related movie, like "Iron Man" or "The Dark Knight," because the screams of the city are all coming from those who have watched this egregiously insulting piece of celluloid! It is easily one of the worst films I've seen in quite some time.

Rating: 1/2 Star (out of 4)

Review: Shoot 'Em Up

Synopsis: A man named Mr. Smith delivers a woman's baby during a shootout, and is then called upon to protect the newborn from the army of gunmen.

Review: To say that this film is over the top at being over the top, would be as intellectually insightful as saying water is wet. There's not a single thing in this movie that can be taken seriously, despite the fact it's loaded with violence and adult themes, and therein lies the true charm of the spectacle. Clive Owens plays the mystery man known only as "Smith." After he helps a women birth her child during a gunfight, he finds himself caught up in a web of outrageous political intrigue, with the baby's life, as well as his own, as the stakes. This is basically a parody send up of every gun-blazing, ass-kicking, tough guy action film you've ever even heard about. Owens character never misses a shot (or the chance to chomp on some carrots), in shootouts that are not just overly exaggerated, but completely impossible, in many cases. You have Paul Giamatti as the sleazy hitman out to get him and the baby, with Monica Bellucci simply providing eye-candy, as the milk-giving whore helping Smith to save the child. There isn't a single moment that you can really take any of this seriously, but the filmmakers know this and don't just fail to apologize for it, but actually revel in it. The choreography in the gunfights is superb. If you could actually pull off some of the stunts shown here, I fully believe the real would be as mindlessly violent as this film is. My favorite has to be the skydiving shootout, where physics and several universal laws of kinetic energy and gravity simply don't exist. This is to say nothing of the many machismo one-liners that are constantly thrown around throughout the film, which provide the perfect black humor to the massive amounts of killing going on. Of course, one can't forget the rocking soundtrack, complete with trashy metal sounds, from groups like Motley Crue and Motorhead, that only intensifies the sensation. Is "Shoot 'Em Up" sexist? Yep. Is it somewhat homophobic? You betcha. Is it overly violent? Oh, hell yes! The film is all of that, as well as not having a single redeeming value within the whole product. Yet, despite all of this, it is still a rip-roaring, testosterone-fueled, slam-banging, out-of-control good time, that will charm it's way into your heart and have you quoting lines from it for days afterwards! If you are someone who's easily offended, or has delicate sensibilities, then this movie is one you probably should avoid. For everyone else, just sit back and watch the mindless carnage unfold. This is truly a guy's movie, for guys who like movies. And it is probably the guiltiest pleasure experience I've had in some time.

Rating: 3 Stars (out of 4)

Review: The Wraith

Synopsis: When a young teen is killed by gang of car racing thugs, he returns as a mystical figure to gain revenge upon them.

Review: This film is the epitome of 80's cheesiness. You've got fast cars, hot chicks, a revenge-fueled plot and Clint Howard (with one of the funniest hairdos ever). Yet, the film has a certain charm that makes you kind of enjoy the spectacle of it all.

Charlie Sheen plays the lead hero, bent on getting back at the gang who murdered him. That's pretty much as far as the script goes, as far as advancing any kind of plot. This of course, leaves many unanswered questions, as a result. Why is Sheen's character given this second chance for revenge? Why race each gang member separately, when he could kill them all at once? Where are all the adults (save the sheriff, played by Randy Quaid)? Why are the police so inept at stopping things, when they know who the street-racing punks are? It seems providing such answers was never a big priority, as most of the film is spent with cars racing (and blowing up), or Sheen's character reconnecting with his old girlfriend. It is obvious that this film is trying to appeal to the 16-20 year old crowd (and adults who still think like them).

Sherilyn Fenn, who plays said girlfriend, provides the prerequisite nudity and damsel in distress required for the story, while Nick Cassavetes is equally adequate as the slimy and somewhat unstable gang leader. Most of the performances are very stiff and wooden, with little in the way of any realistic dialogue or emotion. Very typical of an 80's schlock affair, such as this.

The two areas the film does excel in, however, are the car races and the soundtrack. The cinematography of the cars battling for the dominance of speed are very well done. It is about the only part of the film that will inspire any thrills, which shouldn't be surprising, as some of the crew were killed during the making of some of those scenes. Then, of course, the soundtrack is simply rocking, with some of the biggest metal bands and artists providing that trashy 80's sound. The races and music help the film to keep the pace moving fast, which is probably for the best, as it helps make it more enjoyable and keeps you from focusing on the lack of plot and acting ability.

In the final analysis, "The Wraith" is simply a blend of the average revenge-fantasy and the superficial coolness of youth. Think "Death Race 2000" meets "Death Wish," only with an 80's vibe. It's actually pretty harmless fun, if you allow yourself to simply give in to the sheer inanity of the premise and don't expect everything to make sense. It's a decent way to kill some time, with the empty kind of thrills the 80's usually provided.

Rating: 2 Stars (out of 4)

Lions really do fly!

After seeing "Sorceress" on the movie channel back in '85, it's been a real trip. "Sorceress" was released to a few theaters back in March of 1982. I'm assuming it was shot sometime in '81.

I won't get into the cheesy plot about two twin sisters who are naked all the time. But I will say they go around Mexico (the filming location) beating men up that look like "Planet of the Apes" gone bad. There is a villain that's after them that looks like a low-rent Darth Vader! There is a wise man who looks a lot like a poor man's Ben Kenobi! There is a non-workout looking Conan gone bad dude, who's trying to get in the girls pants and a sub-plot about a lion with wings.

I can't imagine "Sorceress" having a big box office opening weekend, like say "The Dark Knight," can you? I doubt that many even seen this film anywhere. But New World Pictures picked it up and Roger Corman produced this mess of a Conan rip-off. One thing is, its got plenty of nudity and some real cheap special effects. I don't think it's a great movie, but it is fun to watch with a pizza and some cold beer..

I give it 2 boobs... er, I mean, stars!

YOR, the hunter from the furture??

"YOR" was put out in the summer of 1983. Now, I've always wondered, how many people actually saw this in a theater? I'm sure someone did. "Yor, the hunter from the future" seems more prehistoric, than anything futuristic. It's mainly a silly concept of a man with long blond hair killing dinosaurs and getting chased by a Spock-gone-bad looking dude. There's also robots looking like Darth Vader gone bad, too. He's a hit with Kala, a hot looking prehistoric chick, whom he must rescue from anything silly that comes their way. And some old guy. The funny thing about "YOR" is that it has got this strange soundtrack sounding like "Queen" on crack. Everything in "YOR" is copied from something else, only in a poorly done and low-budget kind of way. It's a funny movie, although it's not meant to be. So get a six pack and a pizza, invite some friends over and crack up all night. The theme song alone will crack you up. I have read on IMDB, that someone actually saw this in a drive-in. What's not to like about "YOR"? You decide.. I give "YOR" 3 stars for being an entertainingly cheesy good time and giving me much laughter.

Review: Death Race

Synopsis: Framed for a crime he didn't commit, an ex-con and former race car driver is forced by the warden of a notorious prison to compete in our post-industrial world's most popular sport: a car race in which inmates must brutalize and kill one another on the road to victory... and freedom!

Review: Summertime is well-known for trotting out the big action films and "Death Race" was certainly no different, in the summer of 2008. The basics of the plot are a pretty well-travelled affair and none of the actors does any real stretching beyond their character's needs. From Joan Allen's "ballbuster" warden, to Jason Statham's "hard-ass" hero, to Ian McShane's "Yoda-like" veteran inmate, nothing new, innovative or different is brought out.

Of course, no one really sees films like this for deep and meaningful performances. It's all about the action and this one gives you plenty of it. The car battles are done exceedingly well. You actually feel like you are in the vehicle, as the action unfolds. The stunts on the track are pretty much what you expect. If you like to watch fast cars and big explosions, this film will not fail you.

One of the things that's interesting about this film, is exactly how it is connected to Roger Corman's cult classic "Death Race 2000." Originally, this was to be a sequel, with futuristic floating cars, like out of "Back to the Future Part II," but the expense forced that to be changed. The film's writer/director, Paul W.S. Anderson, has said that this is meant as a prequel to Corman's film, but since this takes place AFTER the time period of it, I find that hard to swallow. So, for myself, I see it as an updated remake, which I normally find very putrid, since most remakes are of films that are already good on their own. But "Death Race" is of that rare breed, where the remake can be taken on it's own and enjoyed, without it being disrespectful to the previous version. Something made much easier, by the guest voicing of (the late) David Carradine as "Frankenstein" (the same character he played in Corman's classic original).

So, while "Death Race" isn't a film that will leave you pondering deep philosophical questions about life and humanity, it manages to pack in plenty of thrills and action that one comes to expect of the typical summer flick. It's simply big, dumb fun and very re-watchable! What every action blockbuster aspires to be. It is sure to appeal to the 14-year old in every guy.

Rating: 2 1/2 Stars (out of 4)

Review: Lady Terminator

Synopsis: The spirit of an ancient evil queen possesses the body of a young anthropological student, who then goes on a murderous rampage in the name of revenge.

Review: This Indonesian cult film takes the over-the-top action, that is a staple of American action films of the 80's, adds in a dose of mysticism, lifts several key scenes from it's title namesake and blends it all up into a schlocky treat for the viewer. This isn't high art, nor does it pretend to be. It is a blatant riff on one of the most classic action films of the decade and never apologizes once for it.

Some of the scenes are direct copies of James Cameron's classic original, such as the attack on the police headquarters, the removal of the eye, even the first kill being done to obtain clothing for her naked form. You will get a deja vu feeling more than once, while watching this film. The added angle of a mystical plot device, rather than a technological one, as well as making the lead antagonist female, made for some interesting changes in this film, which the original "Terminator" could never have had.

Still, despite copious amounts of violence, some very nice nude scenes with our sexy lead, and some slightly interesting special effects, the film is far from what you would call "good." Some of the dubbed in voices are very poorly done. Plus, speaking as a guy, the way she kills men while mating with them is... well... let's just say it's probably every guy's worst nightmare and leave it at that. Plus, they never really gave much explanation on why the Queen of the South Sea's revenge against the great-granddaughter of her betraying lover will give her what she wants. I guess giving emphasis to the plot had to take a back seat to the action and nudity. Not an uncommon thing in films of this nature.

Barbara Anne Constable, who plays the lead role of the anthropologist turned unstoppable tool of destruction, is really the linchpin of the film. None of the other actors turn in anything beyond competent performances, at best, but Barbara's deadpan expressions throughout the film, even as she uses sex to kill her victims, is just as fun to watch as that of Arnold Schwarzenegger in the original "Terminator" film.

If you are looking for a seriously dramatic story, with stunning personal performances, well, you'll be sadly disappointed. But if it is wild bouts of action and violence, coupled with a sexual-themed tale of revenge you desire, this film gives you all you could ever want. It is easily one of the best selections from the Mondo Macabro catalog and would be a great party film. It's a watchable movie and entertaining in that "so bad it's good" way. Just don't give a lot of thought to what you are watching. You definitely need to check your brain at the door for this one.

Rating: 2 1/2 Stars (out of 4)