Review: The Hellcats

Synopsis: A soldier comes back from the war and goes undercover to avenge the death of his cop brother. His link to the murder is the fiancée of his brother, who also wants vengeance. The two would-be avengers infiltrate the Hellcats, the girl gets abducted, and now it's the retired soldier against all the bad guys.

Review: Normally, I'd go into a nice little paragraph which sets up my thoughts of the film, followed by a quick synopsis of the plot, my thoughts of the various attributes of the film (acting, directing, cinematography, etc.) and close with a pithy little nugget that sums up my overall feelings.

I can't do that with "The Hellcats," because I still have no idea what I just saw. It certainly wasn't a coherent movie. There was no discernible plot to be found here. No interesting performances, no dramatic tension, nothing you would except to see when watching a film. As far as I could tell, it's basically a film that throws together every stereotypical biker cliché in the book and tries to let a story unfold from that. And it epically fails.

I know dropping acid and smoking weed was the hip thing going in the late 60's. It is pretty obvious that almost anyone involved with this venture was using them before, during, and after production. Maybe if I'd have done so before watching this... spectacle, I might have been able to understand it. Regardless, it had the same effect on me any illegal narcotics could: It warped my perceptions of logic and reality, killed off a large number of brain cells, and when I awoke from the stupor it put me in, I couldn't have told you what time of day it is. Avoid this crap pile like the plague it is! I wish I had. It's probably THE worst film I've ever seen (and given some of the ones I have, that's saying something)!

Rating: 0 Stars (out of 4)

Review: Prostitutes Protective Society

Synopsis: When Madame Sue and her girls become the targets of some small-time gangsters, by failing to give them a cut of their prostitution profits, the women band together and show that the boys aren't the only ones who can get bloody violent.

Review: The tales of the harsh life of the hooker, are almost as old and well-worn as the actual profession itself. The 1960's were a hotbed of such films. "Prostitutes Protective Society, " while just one of many such offerings, has an interesting flavor, even though it is far from the best this sub-genre has to offer.

The story here revolves around Madame Sue and her bevy of brothel beauties, as they run afoul of some low-rent gangsters who are trying to muscle in on their profits. When the girls fail to capitulate and hookers start turning up dead, Sue and her clan arm up and bring the fight straight to the guys!

These no-budget crime sexploitation films are a dime a dozen. But what helped this one to stand out from some others I've seen, is the sheer amount of brutality in it. While certainly tame, even laughable, by today's standards, back in the mid-60's this was no doubt very shocking. Watching the hookers as they are killed one by one was very sadistic. One of the worst examples was the first killing, where the girl and her john are machine gunned down right in the bed. Not to be outdone, though, the girls get their revenge in the end, as the gangster boss ends up getting "Bobbited." Such visceral assaults help to break up the dullness and monotony of the rest of the film.

Barry Mahon, who wears many hats in this outing (listed as director, producer and cinematographer) is no stranger to this brand of film. He really gives you a good feeling of the seedier side of this lifestyle and vocation. Some excellent scenic shots of 60's NYC really helps to give you a good visual display of the world in which people such as this dwell. Some of which, I'm sure is to accommodate the complete lack of a budget.

Of course, the violence and atmosphere aside, this is far from a good film. While the scenic shots are great, there is just way too many scenes of watching the girls and gangsters just walking around town. It drags the scenes between the violence to a slow crawl. This wouldn't be an issue, if the actual story had some truly interesting aspects to it. But there are the many segments where the budgetary constraints take you out of the moment. One scene that exemplifies this, is when Madame Sue and a couple of her girls "go to the country," as they plan how to take out this gangster boss, which consists (I kid you not) of them laying nude on their bellies in a pile of sand on the floor. The acting skills of the cast is pretty much non-existent, as well, which is only belabored by the fact that many of the girls walk around topless in many scenes, where nothing sexual is even inferred (much less shown), including multiple shower scenes. The girls have no problem peeling for the camera, even though the sexual content reasoning for them to do so is very minimal. So, flesh fiends will certainly get more than their share here. It's just an obvious shortcut to generate interest, in a plot and script that has little of such to offer. The dialouge is laughable and the delivery of it even moreso. Cue card reading at it's finest, I'm sure.

In the end, "Prostitutes Protective Society" isn't a film that will appeal to many. Genre fans will probably be able to derive some entertainment value out of this, thanks to it's seedy vibe and violent panache. Those who are not already cineophiles of this stuff, though, would do well to stay away from this outing. Only die-hard grindhouse sexploitation fans need apply here.

Rating: 1 1/2 Stars (out of 4)

Review: The Acid Eaters

Synopsis: A group of office workers go every Friday afternoon to the White Pyramid, a 50-foot tower of LSD run by the Devil. Groovy!

Review: Films that focus on the psychedelic side of the 60's are always something that will leave most people scratching their heads at some point, with linear thought not a major concern of the film-makers. But this sexploitation attempt at doing so will more likely leave you bored out of your skull!

The basic plot, if you can call it such, is about a group of 9-to-5 workers, who spend their weekends getting high on LSD and having body-painting sex orgies at the lake. That is, when they don't go looking for a giant white pyramid of LSD and end up trapped inside by "the devil." No, really. That's the story here.

Director Byron Mabe is no stranger to the sexploitation genre. His work on films like "A Smell of Honey, A Swallow of Brine" and "The Head Mistress," while certainly not award-winning material, at least had some of the sleazy and entertaining charms one expects of this brand of film. With this one he over-reaches his bounds, as the attempts to marry the drug culture to soft-core porn is a mix that just does work here.

None of the characters ever really get developed. You don't really learn enough about anyone to care or understand what's going on with them. In fact, only the script seems to outdo them in the underdevelopment department. If there was some kind of coherent plot here, I surely missed it. Nothing in this film gels together. One scene we're watching them get high and frolic at the beach, then someone is killed, and then we go to the white pyramid. There's no rhyme or reason to any of it. The camera work isn't all that great, as we get "treated" to an over use of looped segments of the gang riding on motorcycles and scenes that just drag on way too long, or pathetic attempts at being psychedelic, with some swirling colors and the like. Really, it's like they just took every tired cliché of these kinds of films, slapped in some boobies jiggling around, and called it good. At just around an hour long, it easily feels four time that in length as you are watching it. Even the ample curves of the delicious Pat Barrington can do nothing to make this piece of garbage watchable. The fact half the cast of this film never did any others after it, I think pretty much says all that needs to be said about the quality and worthwhile value of this bomb. Heck, I don't even think getting stoned could help you to enjoy this pointless and pandering mess.

It is possible to make an interesting as entertaining psychedelic film. "The Acid Eaters," however, will never be one of them. It is a blatant and obvious cash-in on the drug culture of the times, that does nothing to advance any insights into it and only insults the intelligence of the audience that watches it. I really can't say enough about how horrible this movie is. It really gives stoners a bad name... even worse than the one they already have. Avoid this turkey at all costs, as I'm pretty sure it'll do more to damage your brain cells than actual LSD will.

Rating: 0 Stars (out of 4)

Review: My Tale Is Hot

Synopsis: Bored with the routine in Hell and looking to prove he's still the prince of evil, Satan attempts to get the man who is the "world's most faithful husband" to cheat, but the outcome ends up as far from what he expects.

Review: I wasn't really sure what to expect from this outing, because you never know what you are going to get when you watch one of these skin-flicks from the 60's, as the quality of them tends to run all over the place. But "My Tale Is Hot" is, if not a solid effort, at least stays on the right side of entertaining.

There's really not much to this film, as it's basically a string of burlesque-type shots of fairly attractive babes, which has a bookended plot about a super-faithful husband (played by Jack Little, under the name "Little Jack Little") being tempted by the devil (played by Max Gardens, under the name "Manny Goodtimes") to stray. That's about it.

Deeply involving this is not, but it is a good bit of fun and never really takes itself very seriously. As noted, the women are remarkably pretty attractive for the most part and have little problem peeling for the camera, while Little and Gardens provide somewhat humorous double entendre commentary during it. There's even a clever "little twist" (no pun intended) in the end, when the devil learns just why he can't tempt this most faithful husband to cheat. The dialogue is totally cornball throughout, with puns-a-plenty, some of it funny and some of it cringe-worthy.

Really, though, the film is pretty much centered on the buxom figures of the ladies, which is only to be expected. There is a nice go-go dancing scene about midway through, featuring the talents of Ms. Candy Barr which is very nice. At just under an hour long, the film doesn't tend to overstay it's welcome, even if a couple of the burlesque scenes do seem to.

In the end, it's just a fun and campy nudie-cutie romp, which is pretty indicative of this brand of film. It is certainly far from the worst effort this kind of film-making has created. If you are a fan of the genre, you might get a few chuckles of mileage out of this one.

Rating: 2 Stars (out of 4)

Review: The Agony of Love

Synopsis: A neglected housewife searches for love, by pimping herself out as a high-priced call girl. She rents an apartment where she indulges in all of her sexual fantasies, but gets an unexpected surprise while on the job.

Review: Made in the time when the drive-ins ruled entertainment, during the golden age of sexploitation smut, "The Agony of Love" is a real standout among many of its competitors of the era, not the least of which is due to that luscious 60's silicone siren, Pat Barrington.

The basics of the plot are pretty much typical of what you can expect to get from a film of this kind and from this period. But while lacking in anything resembling originality, it still manages to give you the goods. Pat Barrington plays a neglected housewife, who hooks on the side, not for the money or the thrills, but to feel loved and desired. While the subject matter might have been consider almost taboo in the 60's, by today's standards it's not really all that shocking. Still, this is certainly no film meant for children.

Pat's obvious physical "talents" are one of the things that separates her from many women in this genre. More than ample, she has probably some of the the nicest body curves of the times. Unlike her physical form, though, her acting abilities are negligible, at best, since her emoting and delivery of dialogue is very flat. Yet, in this film, which is one of the few times she ever got a starring role, that seems to work to her (and the film's) benefit. Her monotoned vocal range, when she speaks, as well as the vacant look behind her eyes, is very befitting to the tormented "damaged goods" kind of character she is playing here. Whether more by accident than design, or the director simply playing to her weaknesses and making them a strength, this is most likely the best performance of her career, bar none.

This is William Rotsler's first time out as both writer and director of a film, as well as the first of several times he'd work with Pat Barrington over the course of the decade, but it is easily his best work. The use of some nice camera shots, puts this a step up from other like films of the era. And one scene, where Pat's character discusses a dream with a psychiatrist, is shot with an almost psychedelic flair. It was very much in keeping with the "trippy" 60's vibe, but gave this film something a little extra against its compatriots. Also, the twist ending is one you might not see coming. Rotsler does drag a bit on some of the sexual scenes (which showcase several kinds of fetishes), even though Pat's form is very nice to look at, which feels more like a directorial excess than anything else, but over all it is certainly one of the best shot sexploitation films I've ever seen (and I've watch quite a few).

This would be the last starring role of Pat's career (in which she only had two or three in total). And when the 60's came to a close, she disappeared from the world of film and never returned. Still, she certainly made her mark as one of the most voluptuous vixen of the decade and shown that even a drive-in "skin-flick" could actually be entertaining, for more than just the obvious reasons. It is actually difficult to rate films of this kind, as the standards of them are usually extremely low, but this one has a little something special to it, beyond what you might come to expect of this brand of film. It is on DVD and can be obtained from the Something Weird Video catalog. If you are a fan of this film genre, you'd do well to check it out.

Rating: 2 1/2 Stars (out of 4)