Review: The Spirit

Synopsis: The masked hero, called the Spirit, must stop his arch-enemy, the Octopus, from fulfilling his evil mission: wipe out Spirit's beloved Central City, as he pursues his own version of immortality.

Review: First off, I have to say that I am a comic book reader and a superhero fan. I really like how the characters from some of my favorite comics, have been able to explode off the pages and on to the silver screen. Most times, I usually get a bit of a thrill seeing these characters brought to life. Then, however, there are times like when I watched "The Spirit" and wish they never would have left those four-color magazines.

Everything about this film is just wrong. The acting, the directing, the script, even the casting. It is flawed on almost every possible level a film can be. Gabriel Macht's performance in the title role is flat and completely uninspired. You can tell he was just phoning it in. Scarlett Johansson is totally wasted in her role, which was so superfluous, that she'd have been better off just not showing up on the set. Sam Jackson plays Sam Jackson, even though they call him "the Octopus." It's the same character he's been playing ever since "Pulp Fiction," and it's no longer entertaining (especially in a script this poor). Eva Mendes brings a little bit of sizzle and sexual intensity to things, but she's spends very little time on screen and simply cannot save this heaping pile of garbage.

The script is utter nonsense. I can't even really tell you what the story here is. Something about Sam Jackson out to get the blood of a Greek hero, so he can become immortal, or something. Even by the standards of a comic book script, this thing lacks anything to remotely make it understandable. The action is very cartoony, in that bad kind of way. The dramatic moments (or what passes for them) are so overwrought with cliches and hamfisted in the delivery, that it seems more like a comedic farce. And while I have enjoyed much of Frank Miller's comic work over the years, he simply is abysmal as a film director. Where is the direction in this movie? Where is the talent we know he possesses? Directors are supposed to help their cast pull forth great performances from within them. There is none of that here. It seems everyone was just there to collect their check, the director included.

The visual styling is nice and noir-ish. It is the one area the film produced anything of value. But after having seen it in "Sin City," "300" and other films of late, it's not really special anymore and can't prop up the fact that everything else about this movie stinks on ice. So, it's attempts to distract you from a lack of plot, strong performances and any real thrills, ultimately fails, like everything else in this turkey.

"The Spirit" is the kind of travesty that sets back comic related films 40 years. It is an amateurish production all the way through. It isn't faithful to the source material, nor is it entertaining in its own right. It doesn't even have the benefit of being "so bad it is good" in that cheesy way. Comic fans won't like this. Non-comic fans won't like this. It is truly a film without a valid audience. Everyone involved in this steaming pile of manure should be ashamed of themselves. Do yourself a big favor and avoid this trash and see a GOOD comic book related movie, like "Iron Man" or "The Dark Knight," because the screams of the city are all coming from those who have watched this egregiously insulting piece of celluloid! It is easily one of the worst films I've seen in quite some time.

Rating: 1/2 Star (out of 4)

Chopping Mall, aka Killbots...

Sometime in 1985, a little film called "KILLBOTS" was made at the famous 80's shopping mall called the Sherman Oaks Galleria. It was a three storey mall that was built in 1980. It was also the filming grounds for "Fast Times at Ridgemont High," as well.

The film's tittle was changed to "Chopping Mall" due to poor sales at the box office. This somehow is connected to Roger Corman, in some fashion. Now, a quick recap of the story, it is about a new brand of security system that uses these 3 robots (Killbots) to protect the mall after hours. But, you guessed it, it goes bad when a lightning storm strikes and destroys its memory, therefore making the robots run amok. Six people, 3 females and 3 males, decide to have a party after hours in the furniture store and are stuck by being chased, hunted and killed by these crazy out of control Killbots.

There's a scene in the beginning when the two main girls are working at the mall restaurant, in the background we see posters for other Corman films. One is "Sorceress", another "Galaxy of Terror" and other of "Slumber Party Massacre" and "Forbidden World." Why these movie posters are in a restaurant is beyond me, but it must be some nod to Corman. I liked this cheesy film, because it displays a lot of the interior of the Sherman Oaks Galleria, which were destroyed by a earthquake in 1994. So, if you wanna see how an 80's mall looked, check this film out.

I give "Chopping Mall" 2 and half stars out of four, as it never wears out it's welcome in only 77 minutes.

Review: Shoot 'Em Up

Synopsis: A man named Mr. Smith delivers a woman's baby during a shootout, and is then called upon to protect the newborn from the army of gunmen.

Review: To say that this film is over the top at being over the top, would be as intellectually insightful as saying water is wet. There's not a single thing in this movie that can be taken seriously, despite the fact it's loaded with violence and adult themes, and therein lies the true charm of the spectacle. Clive Owens plays the mystery man known only as "Smith." After he helps a women birth her child during a gunfight, he finds himself caught up in a web of outrageous political intrigue, with the baby's life, as well as his own, as the stakes. This is basically a parody send up of every gun-blazing, ass-kicking, tough guy action film you've ever even heard about. Owens character never misses a shot (or the chance to chomp on some carrots), in shootouts that are not just overly exaggerated, but completely impossible, in many cases. You have Paul Giamatti as the sleazy hitman out to get him and the baby, with Monica Bellucci simply providing eye-candy, as the milk-giving whore helping Smith to save the child. There isn't a single moment that you can really take any of this seriously, but the filmmakers know this and don't just fail to apologize for it, but actually revel in it. The choreography in the gunfights is superb. If you could actually pull off some of the stunts shown here, I fully believe the real would be as mindlessly violent as this film is. My favorite has to be the skydiving shootout, where physics and several universal laws of kinetic energy and gravity simply don't exist. This is to say nothing of the many machismo one-liners that are constantly thrown around throughout the film, which provide the perfect black humor to the massive amounts of killing going on. Of course, one can't forget the rocking soundtrack, complete with trashy metal sounds, from groups like Motley Crue and Motorhead, that only intensifies the sensation. Is "Shoot 'Em Up" sexist? Yep. Is it somewhat homophobic? You betcha. Is it overly violent? Oh, hell yes! The film is all of that, as well as not having a single redeeming value within the whole product. Yet, despite all of this, it is still a rip-roaring, testosterone-fueled, slam-banging, out-of-control good time, that will charm it's way into your heart and have you quoting lines from it for days afterwards! If you are someone who's easily offended, or has delicate sensibilities, then this movie is one you probably should avoid. For everyone else, just sit back and watch the mindless carnage unfold. This is truly a guy's movie, for guys who like movies. And it is probably the guiltiest pleasure experience I've had in some time.

Rating: 3 Stars (out of 4)

Review: Spaceballs

Synopsis: A farcical parody of many sci-fi classics, in which Planet Spaceball's President Skroob sends Lord Dark Helmet to steal Planet Druidia's abundant supply of air to replenish their own, and only Lone Starr can stop them.

Review: By the time of this film's release, Mel Brooks had already established himself as the master of the genre spoof film. But "Spaceballs" is, if not his finest hour, one of the top three efforts in his long list of satirizing comedies. And geek culture would never be the same.

Basically parodying the original Star Wars saga, but mixing in elements of other sci-fi mainstays, like "Star Trek," "Alien" and others, Brooks employs his twisted skills to skewer one of the most beloved and well-known franchises in movie history and does so masterfully. There are plenty of sight-gags and word play moments, as is expected in a Mel Brooks comedy. I especially liked all the "Spaceballs" merchandise that constantly shows up in the film. From bed sheets to toilet paper, it's one of several running gags that I never get tired of.

It features some early work by Bill Pullman and Daphne Zuniga, who would both move on to bigger things in the future. Here, they have a perfect chemistry, as the snobby-but-yielding Princess and the rugged-but-tender hero. I like that, even before they fall for each other, they already argue like an old married couple.

The main stars here, though, are (the late) John Candy and Rick Moranis, both of whom are staples in the world of the 80's comedy film. John Candy has some nice scenes and gets some yuks going, but it is Rick Moranis, as the evil-but-inept Lord Dark Helmet, who basically steals the show. Most of the funniest moment and lines belong to him. From playing with his "Spaceballs" dolls, to having his men (literally) combing the desert for our heroes, he proves that, even in a total farce, evil is always the more interesting and fun to watch.

Many others have tried to imitate Brooks style of comedic humor, most notably Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer, but try as others might, they simply cannot compete with the master. Because the one thing that Mel Brooks comedy spoofs do, that others do not, is know when to "not go there." His humor is tactless, without ever being tasteless. "Spaceballs" remains one of Brooks best works and is certainly my personal favorite. If you love sci-fi, or if you hate it, you'll find plenty to enjoy in this film!

Rating: 3 Stars (out of 4)

It's not human... and it's got an ax? Just once, though!

The famous tagline for this little known horror in the woods slasher is, "It's not human and it's got an axe." Yet, it only uses an axe in the beginning on a middle aged couple camping in the woods at nighttime. Not too smart, from a marketing standpoint.

"The Prey" opens up with a forest fire in the 1940's. Where's smokey bear when you need him?? Now on to present day 1980, where a survivor of the 1940's forest fire is older and looking for some prey (hence the film's name). He finds it with a group of 6 camper/hikers (probably college students), looking for some good ol fashion nature trails. They get more than they bargain for. They get picked off and stalked by this unseen monster until the very end, when his looks are revealed.

"The Prey" was apparently filmed in 1978, and it shows. There are a lot of nature shots, like bugs, animals, critters, etc. I thought I was watching an episode of National Geographic. "The Prey" looks 70's, too. Bell bottoms, hair styles, the works. The monster (fire victim) looks cool. Now, I'm sure "The Prey" didn't receive big box office success. I don't know if it saw any release in 1980, but I do know the first time I heard of this film was when I saw it in the local paper, with this ad that is shown above. I thought it looked cool enough. This was in June of 1984. It played at a local drive-in. I wonder how many people actually remember seeing this on a drive-in screen. It didn't last long. I think it was only shown for one weekend only. That drive-in however is closed since 1987, and is now a business park.

I think "Prey" could have been better, and had potential to be a good little horror film, but fails on a few levels. It could have had some more character development, as well as more backstory about the Gypsies that were burned. And how is it that this child that was burned in the 1940's lived in the woods for 40 some years?? Hey, just watch playing with matches next time your in the woods. I don't want another "Prey"!!!

"Prey" gets 1 and a half stars, for a somewhat cool looking monster, some creepy woods shots and a cool poster. If only the movie could have been as cool! [Side note: The monster ended up playing lurch in the "Addams Family" films.]

Review: The Agony of Love

Synopsis: A neglected housewife searches for love, by pimping herself out as a high-priced call girl. She rents an apartment where she indulges in all of her sexual fantasies, but gets an unexpected surprise while on the job.

Review: Made in the time when the drive-ins ruled entertainment, during the golden age of sexploitation smut, "The Agony of Love" is a real standout among many of its competitors of the era, not the least of which is due to that luscious 60's silicone siren, Pat Barrington.

The basics of the plot are pretty much typical of what you can expect to get from a film of this kind and from this period. But while lacking in anything resembling originality, it still manages to give you the goods. Pat Barrington plays a neglected housewife, who hooks on the side, not for the money or the thrills, but to feel loved and desired. While the subject matter might have been consider almost taboo in the 60's, by today's standards it's not really all that shocking. Still, this is certainly no film meant for children.

Pat's obvious physical "talents" are one of the things that separates her from many women in this genre. More than ample, she has probably some of the the nicest body curves of the times. Unlike her physical form, though, her acting abilities are negligible, at best, since her emoting and delivery of dialogue is very flat. Yet, in this film, which is one of the few times she ever got a starring role, that seems to work to her (and the film's) benefit. Her monotoned vocal range, when she speaks, as well as the vacant look behind her eyes, is very befitting to the tormented "damaged goods" kind of character she is playing here. Whether more by accident than design, or the director simply playing to her weaknesses and making them a strength, this is most likely the best performance of her career, bar none.

This is William Rotsler's first time out as both writer and director of a film, as well as the first of several times he'd work with Pat Barrington over the course of the decade, but it is easily his best work. The use of some nice camera shots, puts this a step up from other like films of the era. And one scene, where Pat's character discusses a dream with a psychiatrist, is shot with an almost psychedelic flair. It was very much in keeping with the "trippy" 60's vibe, but gave this film something a little extra against its compatriots. Also, the twist ending is one you might not see coming. Rotsler does drag a bit on some of the sexual scenes (which showcase several kinds of fetishes), even though Pat's form is very nice to look at, which feels more like a directorial excess than anything else, but over all it is certainly one of the best shot sexploitation films I've ever seen (and I've watch quite a few).

This would be the last starring role of Pat's career (in which she only had two or three in total). And when the 60's came to a close, she disappeared from the world of film and never returned. Still, she certainly made her mark as one of the most voluptuous vixen of the decade and shown that even a drive-in "skin-flick" could actually be entertaining, for more than just the obvious reasons. It is actually difficult to rate films of this kind, as the standards of them are usually extremely low, but this one has a little something special to it, beyond what you might come to expect of this brand of film. It is on DVD and can be obtained from the Something Weird Video catalog. If you are a fan of this film genre, you'd do well to check it out.

Rating: 2 1/2 Stars (out of 4)

Review: The Wraith

Synopsis: When a young teen is killed by gang of car racing thugs, he returns as a mystical figure to gain revenge upon them.

Review: This film is the epitome of 80's cheesiness. You've got fast cars, hot chicks, a revenge-fueled plot and Clint Howard (with one of the funniest hairdos ever). Yet, the film has a certain charm that makes you kind of enjoy the spectacle of it all.

Charlie Sheen plays the lead hero, bent on getting back at the gang who murdered him. That's pretty much as far as the script goes, as far as advancing any kind of plot. This of course, leaves many unanswered questions, as a result. Why is Sheen's character given this second chance for revenge? Why race each gang member separately, when he could kill them all at once? Where are all the adults (save the sheriff, played by Randy Quaid)? Why are the police so inept at stopping things, when they know who the street-racing punks are? It seems providing such answers was never a big priority, as most of the film is spent with cars racing (and blowing up), or Sheen's character reconnecting with his old girlfriend. It is obvious that this film is trying to appeal to the 16-20 year old crowd (and adults who still think like them).

Sherilyn Fenn, who plays said girlfriend, provides the prerequisite nudity and damsel in distress required for the story, while Nick Cassavetes is equally adequate as the slimy and somewhat unstable gang leader. Most of the performances are very stiff and wooden, with little in the way of any realistic dialogue or emotion. Very typical of an 80's schlock affair, such as this.

The two areas the film does excel in, however, are the car races and the soundtrack. The cinematography of the cars battling for the dominance of speed are very well done. It is about the only part of the film that will inspire any thrills, which shouldn't be surprising, as some of the crew were killed during the making of some of those scenes. Then, of course, the soundtrack is simply rocking, with some of the biggest metal bands and artists providing that trashy 80's sound. The races and music help the film to keep the pace moving fast, which is probably for the best, as it helps make it more enjoyable and keeps you from focusing on the lack of plot and acting ability.

In the final analysis, "The Wraith" is simply a blend of the average revenge-fantasy and the superficial coolness of youth. Think "Death Race 2000" meets "Death Wish," only with an 80's vibe. It's actually pretty harmless fun, if you allow yourself to simply give in to the sheer inanity of the premise and don't expect everything to make sense. It's a decent way to kill some time, with the empty kind of thrills the 80's usually provided.

Rating: 2 Stars (out of 4)