Happy Birthday to Me is remastered and restored!

This October 13th, Anchor Bay is set to re-realese this film on DVD with the original soundtrack that was altered in 2004 when Columbia added some other score. This is great news, as the original soundtrack score is, not only superior in quality, but also more fitting to the times in which the film debuted. Good news, indeed, for every fan of this classic slasher.

Review: Rambo: First Blood Part II

Synopsis: In the hopes of getting a Presidential pardon, Rambo returns to action in Vietnam, on a mission to find missing POWs. But once the truth is revealed, he soon finds out that his real enemies might not be the ones shooting at him.

Review: As the second installment of the "Rambo" saga, this film definitely ups-the-ante in terms of action and body count. "Rambo: First Blood Part II" takes Rambo back to the jungles of Vietnam, where most of the mental traumas that dog him began. His mission is to search for missing POWs, instead he falls right back into a war that, for him, has never really ended.

As I said, the action in this film goes way beyond anything we saw in the first one (but with James Cameron as one of the screenplay writers, that's not exactly a surprise). Less content to let the personal and political dramas propel the action, this film is pretty much the reverse, with the action being cause to create those plot developments. In many way, this film seems to forget the humanity shown in the original and opts to let the excitement of the moment wash over you, like the backwash of an F-16 fighter jet, as the explosive battle sequences blast you against the back wall. Although, while extremely over the top in almost every stunt and fight, to the point ungodly suspension of disbelief is pretty much he order of the day, it is a beautifully choreographed bloodbath to behold. It basically, for good or ill, set the stage for what the 80's action epic would be expected to achieve for the rest of the decade.

While not exactly a deeply emotive character in the first film, Sly gets even less moments here. There is no understanding to what Rambo is feeling being back in the place that has tortured him so. There is almost no attempt to play on those feelings at all, save an all-too-brief scene on a boat, between Rambo and the young Vietnamese woman (played by Julia Nickson) who is helping him in the mission, but that's as far as they go to give you any idea on what Rambo is thinking and feeling, being back in 'Nam after all this time. I would have liked to get into Rambo's thoughts more, as the traumas he'd suffered there could have added even more depth to an emotionally complex character. But that simply isn't what this film was about.

Richard Crenna reprises his role, as Rambo's C.O., but he gets very little to do in this film. Whereas in the first he was a key to understanding Rambo and used to contrast the political themes that were presented, here he is merely a very small cog, used mainly to set up the plot to get Rambo back into action. He does have one very intense scene, where he argues with the slimy Washington bureaucrat (played by Charles Napier), which brought back a momentary flair from the first film, but it is over quickly, as the need to get back to the jungle slaughter is the paramount concern here.

"Rambo: First Blood Part II" was less the ending of an iconic character's saga (not the least of which is due to the fact two more sequels were made) and more the start of replacing character-driven action, with action-driven drama. It created a new standard for what action films could be (and in many cases, would be) from that point on. It set up a game of constant oneupmanship with the other action stars of the day, as they all attempted to outdo what this film began. In some ways, this film is almost a whole new entity, completely separate from the original film in every thing but the characters names, yet it is also strangely completely bound to it. As a sequel to a film that had some very deep philosophical and political themes, this film fails to recapture almost any of that same spirit, but in terms of spinning the action film genre into an ever growing and testosterone-fueled behemoth, determined to make the impossible seem probable, as well as solidifying Rambo's status as an 80's icon for all-time, the film succeeds on a level no other film could ever hope to manage. This is truly the film that epitomizes the phrase, "check your brain at the door and enjoy!" Which I am more than able to do.

Rating: 2 1/2 Stars (out of 4)

Review: First Blood

Synopsis: When a mentally traumatized Vietnam war vet is abused by a small town's police force, he begins a one man war with it.

Review: A lot of people would likely classify this film as an "action movie." While there is certainly some great action sequences to be found here, it is really so much more than that. "First Blood" is something more than the typical shoot 'em up action epic, as it has the undertones of some very definite political themes and societal messages that most mere "action movies" never do.

Aside from Rocky Balboa, John J. Rambo is without question the most iconic character in Sylvester Stallone's long career. And of the two, he is certainly the more emotionally complex. A man of deep loyalties and convictions, he is also easily able to shun aside the moralities of the supposed civilized world and, when provoked, become little more than a killing machine. It is this duality of a man who simply wants a quiet place for himself in the world, yet who is capable of committing some of the most outrageous acts of violence ever seen, that is what make the character so compelling.

But it isn't simply Sly's performance as Rambo that gives the film such resonance. Equally adding the this potent dramatic brew are veteran actors Brian Dennehy and Richard Crenna. While Sly spends most of the film running through forests and slogging through tunnels, the interaction between Dennehy and Crenna's characters brilliantly encapsulate the clash of political views at the story's core.

As noted the action scenes are very well done here. They almost make you believe that Rambo could single-handedly take down an entire town. They never go too far, or become too outlandish, with things. They keep it feeling just realistic enough to add the much needed tension for the inevitable showdown at the film's end. Adding to this is the stellar musical score by Jerry Goldsmith, which is just the perfect compliment to the story unfolding. It never distracts you from what's occurring on screen and, in fact, enhances the emotions of the situations even more. Just what any good score should do.

What more can be said about this film, that hasn't already been said a thousand times before? The film would create a cultural icon that would embody the decade of the 80's, as well as inspire sequel films for over 20 years. But while those sequels would easily up the ante in terms of non-stop action, they would never attain the same level of emotional drama that this film does. "First Blood" was a film that asked a lot of hard questions about a war, and it's aftermath, that had no easy answers. And that, above all else, is what makes it more than merely "another 80's action movie." It makes it a classic!

Rating: 4 Stars (out of 4)

Review: Madman

Synopsis: A group of camp counselors find themselves the victims of a legendary killer in the woods, known only as... Madman Marz!

Review: From the late 70's through the early 80's, it was the golden era of the slasher horror film. During this period, many played on the old standby of a killer in the woods theme ("The Prowler", "Don't Go In The Woods", "The Burning" and, of course, "Friday the 13th"). By 1982, this had become "old hat." Yet, late in the game, here comes "Madman"! The basic plot is what you would expect: Some camp counselors wind up as the targets of a legendary kill-crazy farmer, appropriately named, Madman Marz. It is a completely predictable and by-the-numbers slasher formula.

The acting is, as is usually the case in most low-budget slashers, almost non-existent. Save for the character of Betsy (played by Gaylen Ross, under the name "Alexis Dubin," as I guess she didn't want it to be known she was in a cheesy slasher flick), none of the characters gets developed enough to the point you know or care about any of them. The killer isn't really developed any, either, as he is portrayed as the typical "super-human" maniac, showing incredible physical strength and speed, beyond any mere mortal. It's said he murdered his family, but you never really learn why, as the script is more interested in setting up hokey hot-tub scenes, in an effort to provide the prerequisite nudity in such films. Everything just plods along in a very predictable manner.

So, what you are left with is the special effects and atmosphere to provide you any real entertainment. Fortunately, it actually does. One of the things I really liked about the setting, is how well they played up how easy it is to get lost in the woods at night. The sameness of the surroundings actually helped convey a sense of tension in not knowing exactly where you are. And since this is a time before the advent of cell phones, it comes off somewhat realistically. Of course, some of that is undone by a soundtrack which, at times, sounds like someone who got their hands on a Kasio keyboard and suddenly thought they were John Carpenter.

As for the killings themselves, it's a mixed bag that ranges from the extremely gruesome to the extremely phony! Although, some of the kills are pretty inventive, like the one where the girl is beheaded by the hood of the car she is trying to get working. I also like that they tried to keep the killer more to the shadows for most of the film. Something that might have been more out of necessity, than to illicit a sense of mystery, as when you get a good look at the killer the cheapness of the effects shows how much they lacked a budget here.

In the end, the film is merely a typical example of the schlocky early 80's slasher formula. It could be entertaining for those who are fans of the genre, or those who love to mock it. Otherwise, you can probably pass on it. It's simply another unoriginal slasher film, that looks extremely cheap and has not aged very well. Might make for a good Halloween party film, though, as it comes off as the technological equivalent of telling a ghost story around a campfire.

Rating: 2 Stars (out of 4)

Review: The Spirit

Synopsis: The masked hero, called the Spirit, must stop his arch-enemy, the Octopus, from fulfilling his evil mission: wipe out Spirit's beloved Central City, as he pursues his own version of immortality.

Review: First off, I have to say that I am a comic book reader and a superhero fan. I really like how the characters from some of my favorite comics, have been able to explode off the pages and on to the silver screen. Most times, I usually get a bit of a thrill seeing these characters brought to life. Then, however, there are times like when I watched "The Spirit" and wish they never would have left those four-color magazines.

Everything about this film is just wrong. The acting, the directing, the script, even the casting. It is flawed on almost every possible level a film can be. Gabriel Macht's performance in the title role is flat and completely uninspired. You can tell he was just phoning it in. Scarlett Johansson is totally wasted in her role, which was so superfluous, that she'd have been better off just not showing up on the set. Sam Jackson plays Sam Jackson, even though they call him "the Octopus." It's the same character he's been playing ever since "Pulp Fiction," and it's no longer entertaining (especially in a script this poor). Eva Mendes brings a little bit of sizzle and sexual intensity to things, but she's spends very little time on screen and simply cannot save this heaping pile of garbage.

The script is utter nonsense. I can't even really tell you what the story here is. Something about Sam Jackson out to get the blood of a Greek hero, so he can become immortal, or something. Even by the standards of a comic book script, this thing lacks anything to remotely make it understandable. The action is very cartoony, in that bad kind of way. The dramatic moments (or what passes for them) are so overwrought with cliches and hamfisted in the delivery, that it seems more like a comedic farce. And while I have enjoyed much of Frank Miller's comic work over the years, he simply is abysmal as a film director. Where is the direction in this movie? Where is the talent we know he possesses? Directors are supposed to help their cast pull forth great performances from within them. There is none of that here. It seems everyone was just there to collect their check, the director included.

The visual styling is nice and noir-ish. It is the one area the film produced anything of value. But after having seen it in "Sin City," "300" and other films of late, it's not really special anymore and can't prop up the fact that everything else about this movie stinks on ice. So, it's attempts to distract you from a lack of plot, strong performances and any real thrills, ultimately fails, like everything else in this turkey.

"The Spirit" is the kind of travesty that sets back comic related films 40 years. It is an amateurish production all the way through. It isn't faithful to the source material, nor is it entertaining in its own right. It doesn't even have the benefit of being "so bad it is good" in that cheesy way. Comic fans won't like this. Non-comic fans won't like this. It is truly a film without a valid audience. Everyone involved in this steaming pile of manure should be ashamed of themselves. Do yourself a big favor and avoid this trash and see a GOOD comic book related movie, like "Iron Man" or "The Dark Knight," because the screams of the city are all coming from those who have watched this egregiously insulting piece of celluloid! It is easily one of the worst films I've seen in quite some time.

Rating: 1/2 Star (out of 4)

Chopping Mall, aka Killbots...

Sometime in 1985, a little film called "KILLBOTS" was made at the famous 80's shopping mall called the Sherman Oaks Galleria. It was a three storey mall that was built in 1980. It was also the filming grounds for "Fast Times at Ridgemont High," as well.

The film's tittle was changed to "Chopping Mall" due to poor sales at the box office. This somehow is connected to Roger Corman, in some fashion. Now, a quick recap of the story, it is about a new brand of security system that uses these 3 robots (Killbots) to protect the mall after hours. But, you guessed it, it goes bad when a lightning storm strikes and destroys its memory, therefore making the robots run amok. Six people, 3 females and 3 males, decide to have a party after hours in the furniture store and are stuck by being chased, hunted and killed by these crazy out of control Killbots.

There's a scene in the beginning when the two main girls are working at the mall restaurant, in the background we see posters for other Corman films. One is "Sorceress", another "Galaxy of Terror" and other of "Slumber Party Massacre" and "Forbidden World." Why these movie posters are in a restaurant is beyond me, but it must be some nod to Corman. I liked this cheesy film, because it displays a lot of the interior of the Sherman Oaks Galleria, which were destroyed by a earthquake in 1994. So, if you wanna see how an 80's mall looked, check this film out.

I give "Chopping Mall" 2 and half stars out of four, as it never wears out it's welcome in only 77 minutes.

Review: Shoot 'Em Up

Synopsis: A man named Mr. Smith delivers a woman's baby during a shootout, and is then called upon to protect the newborn from the army of gunmen.

Review: To say that this film is over the top at being over the top, would be as intellectually insightful as saying water is wet. There's not a single thing in this movie that can be taken seriously, despite the fact it's loaded with violence and adult themes, and therein lies the true charm of the spectacle. Clive Owens plays the mystery man known only as "Smith." After he helps a women birth her child during a gunfight, he finds himself caught up in a web of outrageous political intrigue, with the baby's life, as well as his own, as the stakes. This is basically a parody send up of every gun-blazing, ass-kicking, tough guy action film you've ever even heard about. Owens character never misses a shot (or the chance to chomp on some carrots), in shootouts that are not just overly exaggerated, but completely impossible, in many cases. You have Paul Giamatti as the sleazy hitman out to get him and the baby, with Monica Bellucci simply providing eye-candy, as the milk-giving whore helping Smith to save the child. There isn't a single moment that you can really take any of this seriously, but the filmmakers know this and don't just fail to apologize for it, but actually revel in it. The choreography in the gunfights is superb. If you could actually pull off some of the stunts shown here, I fully believe the real would be as mindlessly violent as this film is. My favorite has to be the skydiving shootout, where physics and several universal laws of kinetic energy and gravity simply don't exist. This is to say nothing of the many machismo one-liners that are constantly thrown around throughout the film, which provide the perfect black humor to the massive amounts of killing going on. Of course, one can't forget the rocking soundtrack, complete with trashy metal sounds, from groups like Motley Crue and Motorhead, that only intensifies the sensation. Is "Shoot 'Em Up" sexist? Yep. Is it somewhat homophobic? You betcha. Is it overly violent? Oh, hell yes! The film is all of that, as well as not having a single redeeming value within the whole product. Yet, despite all of this, it is still a rip-roaring, testosterone-fueled, slam-banging, out-of-control good time, that will charm it's way into your heart and have you quoting lines from it for days afterwards! If you are someone who's easily offended, or has delicate sensibilities, then this movie is one you probably should avoid. For everyone else, just sit back and watch the mindless carnage unfold. This is truly a guy's movie, for guys who like movies. And it is probably the guiltiest pleasure experience I've had in some time.

Rating: 3 Stars (out of 4)