Review: The Acid Eaters

Synopsis: A group of office workers go every Friday afternoon to the White Pyramid, a 50-foot tower of LSD run by the Devil. Groovy!

Review: Films that focus on the psychedelic side of the 60's are always something that will leave most people scratching their heads at some point, with linear thought not a major concern of the film-makers. But this sexploitation attempt at doing so will more likely leave you bored out of your skull!

The basic plot, if you can call it such, is about a group of 9-to-5 workers, who spend their weekends getting high on LSD and having body-painting sex orgies at the lake. That is, when they don't go looking for a giant white pyramid of LSD and end up trapped inside by "the devil." No, really. That's the story here.

Director Byron Mabe is no stranger to the sexploitation genre. His work on films like "A Smell of Honey, A Swallow of Brine" and "The Head Mistress," while certainly not award-winning material, at least had some of the sleazy and entertaining charms one expects of this brand of film. With this one he over-reaches his bounds, as the attempts to marry the drug culture to soft-core porn is a mix that just does work here.

None of the characters ever really get developed. You don't really learn enough about anyone to care or understand what's going on with them. In fact, only the script seems to outdo them in the underdevelopment department. If there was some kind of coherent plot here, I surely missed it. Nothing in this film gels together. One scene we're watching them get high and frolic at the beach, then someone is killed, and then we go to the white pyramid. There's no rhyme or reason to any of it. The camera work isn't all that great, as we get "treated" to an over use of looped segments of the gang riding on motorcycles and scenes that just drag on way too long, or pathetic attempts at being psychedelic, with some swirling colors and the like. Really, it's like they just took every tired cliché of these kinds of films, slapped in some boobies jiggling around, and called it good. At just around an hour long, it easily feels four time that in length as you are watching it. Even the ample curves of the delicious Pat Barrington can do nothing to make this piece of garbage watchable. The fact half the cast of this film never did any others after it, I think pretty much says all that needs to be said about the quality and worthwhile value of this bomb. Heck, I don't even think getting stoned could help you to enjoy this pointless and pandering mess.

It is possible to make an interesting as entertaining psychedelic film. "The Acid Eaters," however, will never be one of them. It is a blatant and obvious cash-in on the drug culture of the times, that does nothing to advance any insights into it and only insults the intelligence of the audience that watches it. I really can't say enough about how horrible this movie is. It really gives stoners a bad name... even worse than the one they already have. Avoid this turkey at all costs, as I'm pretty sure it'll do more to damage your brain cells than actual LSD will.

Rating: 0 Stars (out of 4)

Review: Jason Lives: Friday the 13th Part VI

Synopsis: When Tommy Jarvis goes to make sure Jason Voorhees is dead for good, he unintentionally brings him back to life. Now, the unstoppable killer is off on another killing spree! Will Tommy stop Jason, or will it be vice versa?

Review: As one of the longest running horror franchise in movie history, there really isn't much left up the sleeve of the "Friday the 13th" series to scare us with by the sixth installment. So, they decided to focus less on horror and a little more of fun. The results are not too bad, as far as sequels go.

Determined to make sure Jason is dead once and for all, Tommy Jarvis (played by Thom Mathews) digs up his body with the intent to cremate him. Instead, he accidentally reanimates Jason and the killing spree begins again. Can Tommy stop the now-undead murder machine, or will the local Sheriff (played by David Kegan) and a town that wants to move on from the horrors of Jason Voorhees end up getting him, along with all of them, killed in the process?

Right off the bat, if you are expecting straight-on horror from this outing, you are sure to be disappointed. Writer/Director Tom McLoughlin opts to take things a bit less serious than past chapters of this saga have been, adding in an element of humor to the mix and toning down on the graphic gore (although, personally, I think we could have used a little bit more of the latter). It's a formula he would use in many of the horror works he'd do after this, for both the big screen and the small one. While in less capable hands such things usually become a train wreck, McLoughlin never lets the humor stray too far into goofy slapstick and utter parody. There are a few of the in-jokes and camera mugging moments that are groan worthy, but overall the humor never totally overpowers the more horrific aspects of the film, as has happened in other attempts like this.

The cast, which is mostly a "who's who" of television roles, does an overall solid job with the material they are given, with Thom Mathews and David Kegan the real standouts. Mathews does a great job of making you feel for Tommy's plight, while Kegan's sheriff is a great foil to Tommy. Jennifer Cooke (who fans of the 80's television series "V" will remember) is sexy, but never in a trampy way. In fact, there wasn't really anything in the way of nudity in this film, unlike so many others of its kind, but I never even missed it, as I was just having a lot of fun watching things unfold.

In a lot of ways "Jason Lives: Friday the 13th Part VI" was one of the earliest films that help to bridge the gulf between horror and humor, that many others would follow for the next couple of decades. And while those efforts are certainly a mixed bag, I think they made it work well enough here to make an enjoyable little popcorn horror-comedy, provided you don't think about the actual plot too much. Die-hards of straight-laced horror and gore, as well as this saga's previous chapters, will probably not find this film to their tastes. But for horror buffs who can take their scares a little less seriously, this film is a great way to kill an hour and a half and have some fun doing it. It's a fairly enjoyable sequel to this franchise and certainly a decent horror-comedy in its own right.

Rating: 2 1/2 Stars (out of 4)

Review: Deadly Weapons

Synopsis: After the mob hits a guy with a list, one of the hoods keeps the list for himself to blackmail the people on it. When the mobsters find out he's a double-crosser, they off him, which angers his busty girlfriend. She then goes after them using the only two weapons she has.

Review: Crime drama and sexploitation go together like peanut butter and jelly, and Doris Wishman is certainly one director who made a career off blending the perverse with the criminal. So, you'd think with a gimmick like Chesty Morgan at her disposal, you'd have an easy winning sleaze-fest. Sadly, you'd be very much mistaken.

In "Deadly Weapons," Chesty plays a woman named Crystal, who's boyfriend is a member of the mob. But when he double-crosses his boss, he ends up dead. So, Crystal sets out to revenge her lover with the two best weapons she has: her enormous breasts! That's as far as any story development goes.

To say the plot here is tissue thin, is really an insult to tissues. Little in this freak show makes any sense. We never learn what the information is that the crime boss is so eager to recover. And when Chesty's character goes for her revenge, there is absolutely no planning of any kind. She just packs up and miraculously finds her targets. The attempt for a twist ending, unlike Chesty herself, falls completely flat. Throw in some of Wishman's typical directorial excesses throughout the film, like lingering camera shots of the floor or ashtrays and plants, as well as a group of actors who don't know how to deliver lines, even they are sent by Western Union, and you have a train wreak larger than Chesty's own boobs.

And speaking of which, let me say, as an American male of the heterosexual persuasion, I love me some boobies. But Chesty's aren't sexy at all. Not just because their massive size is so unseemly, but she really doesn't even know how to use them effectively. There's a striptease scene she does about halfway in the film and it has to be the most unerotic thing I've ever seen. She just looks like she walking through the whole movie bored out of her mind. Even a scene where she bathes is completely unenticing.

Is there anything worth seeing here? Well, there is some nice scenic shots of the old 70's Las Vegas and Miami. And the opening montage during the credits is as close as Chesty comes to doing anything of value with her ample mammaries. That's about it, however.

No one ever goes into a sexploitation film like this expecting great cinematic brilliance, but you do expect some level of entertainment value, either by arousal or unintentional humor and a fun plot. This film has neither of those qualities, which given Chesty's figure you might think wouldn't be possible. There was certainly enough potential with the material and assets here to make something that could have been some dirty fun, but there was simply no follow through by anyone involved with this production. What you end up with is an uninteresting and unerotic film, which is pretty much a kiss of death in this genre. Unless you are a total Doris Wishman die-hard, this one should be an easy skip for you.

Rating: 1/2 Star (out of 4)

Review: Sweet Georgia

Synopsis: Georgia is the sex-crazed nympho wife of rancher Big T. Unfortunately, because Big T is an ugly, abusive drunk, Georgia looks for her lovin' elsewhere - from the stud ranchhand, to Virginia, her virgin step-daughter. But when Georgia makes it with dumb ol' Leroy, everything gets violent.

Review: Southern hick sexploitation films from the 60's and 70's are not exactly a rare commodity, but this one is a little something special because you have two of the genre "royalty" working together: Harry "The King of Sexploitation" Novak and Marsha "The Queen of Soft Core" Jordan.

In "Sweet Georgia," Marsha Jordan plays the title role. Georgia is an insatiable nmypho, who has no problem getting it on with anyone, from the ranch hands to her own virgin step-daughter. Seems everyone gets a piece of her sweet loving, except her drunk, fat and abusive husband. But when a sexual encounter in the stables leads to a horrible accident, things take a dark turn for everyone.

As with most films of this type, the production values are pretty low and the acting abilities of everyone, save the sensuous Marsha Jordan, almost non-existent. It's pretty much left up to Marsha and her voluptuous curves to carry the film, which she actually does fairly well. The story is pretty thin, as it revolves around this group of people stay with the drunken head of the household, only until he strikes some gold from his mine. Of course, he never does and this part of the plot is quickly forgotten when everyone starts having their trysts with Georgia. There is some nice full frontal nudity of Marsha, too, which is always a treat for the viewer. The sex scenes are not over too quickly, nor do they feel as though they are dragging on, either. Marsha's girl-on-girl scene with Barbara Mills is particularly erotic. The dialog is corny and unintentionally humorous (with lines like: "Shut up and lay me!") and except for Marsha, all the other actors sound like they are reading their lines off cue-cards. Fortunately, Ms. Jordan's banging bod and steamy screen presence is enough to hold things together and keep it interesting enough until the final act.

The last third of the film does take a rather morbid and dark turn that you don't see coming, which really helps it to stand out from other such sexploitation efforts of the times and will help make it a bit more memorable than most. It's also one of the last films Marsha Jordan did, before leaving the business.

"Sweet Georgia" is slightly better than the typical entry of this genre and shows why Harry Novak really knew how to take such inane concepts as this and make them entertaining, if not always interesting. Genre fan are sure to get some fun mileage out of this effort. If you are a fan of the buxom Marsha Jordan, this one is definitely a keeper for your collection. All in all, it's pretty decent fare for this brand of film and certainly worth a viewing or two.

Rating: 2 1/2 Stars (out of 4)

Review: The Fly II

Synopsis: The horror beings again, as a greedy businessman attempts to unlock the secrets to Seth Brundle's teleportation pods, by using the "genetic curse" of Brundle's son as the key, in the sequel to David Cronenberg's classic remake.

Review: If there is one thing I loathe almost more than remakes, it's a hollow and bland sequel film to a remake. "The Fly II" is, unfortunately, just such a beast.

We pick up where Cronenberg's creepy remake of this classic horror film left off, as we now follow the exploits of the son of Seth Brundle (played by Eric Stoltz). After his mother dies giving birth to him, he becomes the personal experiment of a greedy businessman (played by Lee Richardson), who is determined to use him to unlock the secrets of his father teleportation device. You know nothing good can come of that. Right off the bat, almost none of the characters from the original return to this outing, with the exception of John Getz, who reprises his role as the token jerk. Not a very good sign. Then, you have four screenwriters on the script, which doesn't give you much hope of a solid story. The old adage about "too many cooks spoil the broth" is in full effect here, as none of the characters ever really come to life (except, perhaps, a little bit from Richardson's).

Really, I felt like the cast was sleepwalking through their scenes most of the time. There's no passion or spark in any of the performances. To be fair, to follow up on the incredibly frenetic and passionate energy of Jeff Goldblum's character from the first film, would be a very unenviable task for most actors, but Eric Stoltz never even gets close to anything like it. None of the cast do. Maybe they were as bored with the dialog here, as I was, I don't know. But there's really no standout performances here. There's almost no performances of any kind. They are all just cyphers to the need of the plot (such as it is). Just plodding along until the "Brundle-Fly" can come out and play. This is only made worse by the fact that there's no really likable characters in the entire film. Even Stoltz and Zuniga's characters, who are supposed to be the "heroes," never evoked any kind of emotion from me, save apathy.

Director Chris Walas obviously wasn't interested in creating the eerie tension and drama that Cronenberg did in the first film, as he opts more for cornball performances and putting all his effort into the special effects. But even there the film is just lacking. You can tell he was trying hard to top the "gross out" appeal of the first film, but it never comes off that way. Much of the violence is pretty tame, especially compared to the first film. It comes off more like "Cronenberg-lite" and never really satisfies. Even the monster Martin becomes does more to invite laugher, rather than fear and revulsion.

This film is just a clear cut case of how one movie's success was used as just cause to create a pointless sequel. Everyone involved here could only have been looking to get a paycheck. It's b-grade horror at its most dull and boring. It's not even "so bad it's good" b-grade horror. There's no scares to be had here, nor any humor, save the possibility of the unintentional kind. If you seen the first film, you certainly don't need to see this one. And if you haven't seen it, go watch that instead of this. The only thing this poor production has in common with flies, is the fact that any kind of crap will usually attract them.

Rating: 1 Star (out of 4)

Review: Vice Squad

Synopsis: Pimps, hookers, lowlife scum... you'll find them all in the big city, where sex and violence rule the landscape. But that's just another typical night on the mean streets for the Vice Squad!

Review: I'm something of an amateur devotee of low budget, grindhouse films. From flicks of the 60's to the present, I've seen my fair share. However, "Vice Squad" is one that will probably always standout to me, both in good ways and bad.

The basic plot is that a prostitute named "Princess" (played by Season Hubley) helps a seasoned vice cop (played by Gary Swanson) to take down a violent and deranged pimp named "Ramrod" (played by Wings Hauser), after he kills another prostitute friend of her's (played by Nina Blackwood), but soon becomes the target of the pimp's homicidal rage, after he escapes custody. Now the race is on between the vice squad and Ramrod, as to who will get to Princess first! The film is certainly not for the faint of heart, or those who easily offend. No punches are pulled in the violence and degradation that is shown.

It has a sort of gritty realism to it, but it doesn't quite make it over the hump to where you totally buy it. This is due to the stretching of credibility in some key moments. I mean, would an entire vice squad really go all out to find a single prostitute, even if her life were in danger? No, probably not. One cop, maybe two, but not the whole squad. And the violent pimp, who seems to constantly flip from calm to psychopathic at the drop of hat, would he really be able to intimidate all the hard players of this underbelly of civilized society? Again, probably not. So, when such instances happen, it takes you out of the moment and costs the film a lot of the dramatic tension it's trying to build.

Director Gary Sherman certainly does a nice job of portraying the seedier side of the big city (in this case Hollywood), as the grunge and sleaze of society's "forgotten people" is well displayed almost constantly. Sadly, though, there is little shown to us beneath that grimy surface. You never get into the minds of any of the players. You get a brief scene with Princess sending her daughter away, to show she has a softer side, but you never get much context on it. Even worse is Gary Swanson's play at the vice cop who gives a damn. Besides a very wooden performance, you never really get any insight into his reasons for being a vice cop. As he is asked at the film's end, "Why do you do it, Walsh? The streets are never going to change." The question is never answered, either to the character in the film or the audience.

The one solid bit here, is Wings Hauser's turn as the ultra-violent Ramrod. He plays it up for all he's worth here. He is certainly one of the perennial heavies of the 80's, both in film and television, but he steps things up a notch here, going from mean to downright brutal. His use of a coat hanger to whip up on prostitutes, shows a level of darkness that goes beyond ordinary misogyny. While most of the other actors just sort of plod along in their roles, Wings uses his to be a force of nature in the story, which is where most of the drama and action stems from.

The film is certainly not what one would call "classic," either in the award-winning sense or otherwise, but despite it's many flaws, it still manages to hold your attention and stick with you long after you've watched it. Whether that is due to it having that special 80's vibe, that made many less-than-stellar films give you that sensation, or merely the fact you can't look away from the sometimes over-the-top slimy nature of it all, I can't say for sure. All I can say is that, for good or ill, this is one film you won't soon forget.

Rating: 2 1/2 Stars (out of 4)

Review: My Tale Is Hot

Synopsis: Bored with the routine in Hell and looking to prove he's still the prince of evil, Satan attempts to get the man who is the "world's most faithful husband" to cheat, but the outcome ends up as far from what he expects.

Review: I wasn't really sure what to expect from this outing, because you never know what you are going to get when you watch one of these skin-flicks from the 60's, as the quality of them tends to run all over the place. But "My Tale Is Hot" is, if not a solid effort, at least stays on the right side of entertaining.

There's really not much to this film, as it's basically a string of burlesque-type shots of fairly attractive babes, which has a bookended plot about a super-faithful husband (played by Jack Little, under the name "Little Jack Little") being tempted by the devil (played by Max Gardens, under the name "Manny Goodtimes") to stray. That's about it.

Deeply involving this is not, but it is a good bit of fun and never really takes itself very seriously. As noted, the women are remarkably pretty attractive for the most part and have little problem peeling for the camera, while Little and Gardens provide somewhat humorous double entendre commentary during it. There's even a clever "little twist" (no pun intended) in the end, when the devil learns just why he can't tempt this most faithful husband to cheat. The dialogue is totally cornball throughout, with puns-a-plenty, some of it funny and some of it cringe-worthy.

Really, though, the film is pretty much centered on the buxom figures of the ladies, which is only to be expected. There is a nice go-go dancing scene about midway through, featuring the talents of Ms. Candy Barr which is very nice. At just under an hour long, the film doesn't tend to overstay it's welcome, even if a couple of the burlesque scenes do seem to.

In the end, it's just a fun and campy nudie-cutie romp, which is pretty indicative of this brand of film. It is certainly far from the worst effort this kind of film-making has created. If you are a fan of the genre, you might get a few chuckles of mileage out of this one.

Rating: 2 Stars (out of 4)